Blog Smog, My Drama

I have abandoned my site!!

2005-11-11T19:13:00.000-05:00

Well as you can see, I sort of abandoned my blog. I got laid off at my job where I spent most of my day being completely bored out of my mind, so I wrote. But since I got laid off, I was pretty busy looking for a job and then getting one and this job is great and the best part is I am NEVER bored. It hasn't left me time to write though.

So things are going great!! In my new job I am an IT Manager-finally doing what I have a degree in. Yeah!! I guess all the years were not wasted at college after all. I am also the Website Administrator. So between the 2 jobs, I am very busy, and the pay is amazing. I am making double what I have ever made before. So needless to say the career is taking off and I am extremely happy at work now. I was so miserable at my other job, the lay off was a blessing in disguise. I was worried about not being able to pay the bills, but with unemployment I was ok. God took care of me and it looks as if he had better plans for me than I knew at the time. Always have faith.

As for Dwight and I, we just celebrated our 2 year anniversary. No complaints over here. We have been getting along great. We bicker sometimes, but no huge fights in awhile. I love him more with each passing day. I cannot believe I spent so many years in a loveless marriage when this is what real love feels like. I am so proud and lucky to have him in my life.

Well I wanted to keep everyone updated, I will make a strong effort to keep this thing up to date. I love writing and it is more of a hobby for me than anything else.

I have lots of drama to write about so stay tuned!!

7/26/05

2005-07-26T10:03:00.000-04:00

Well not much going on around here. Work is boring as always. I am so lucky to get paid to do practically nothing. It sucks sometimes because the time just drags on. But at least I'm sitting here in the ac and not out in that 105 degree heat. My God it sucks out there. I am so hungry right now. I really need to go get something to eat.

I just changed my insurance premiums. My renewal is 8/3/05 and the first of 3 payments was 724.50. Yeah right!!!!!!! I'm not paying that!!! I can't pay that. I have bills and just don't have it. So I canceled some coverage for now and got it down to 650 for 6 months. It is the bare minimum but it will have to do until I can afford to bump it back up. I still may not be able to come up with that and have to let it lapse for a week or 2. I can ride my motorcycle instead, that is covered. 375 for an entire year. Now that is what I'm talking about.

My x-husband owes me over 6,000 in child support. He has been out of work for 2 years due to a work-related accident. He had his final doctor appointment 5 weeks ago and told me he was getting a settlement from the workman's comp insurance company for 2 years salary and he would get caught up. The insurance company told him it would take about 6 weeks after his appointment. So hopefully everything works out as planned and I get this money. If so, I will go ahead and bump my insurance coverages up right away and pay down some debt. I don't really have much. A home depot card with a 1500 balance. 2 credit cards with balances around 250, and that's about it. I have school loans-but those will wait-they are down to 20,000. They will be around for awhile. I also want to get a new exhaust and tires for my bike. The rest goes in my ING account to earn 3% interest and to sit so I don't spend it.

I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that it actually ends up in my hands as promised.

Well, I have been trying to get a bike club together for anyone in this quad-state area of PA, DE , NJ, and MD. I got about 6 people interested so far. Men and women. So hopefully we can all get together for a ride. I'm looking forward to riding with others. It is usually just me or Dwight and I. He is so experienced that he sort of intimates me when we are out. It isn't intentional but that is the way I feel sometimes.

I passed the MSF this weekend, so I feel more confident. I did really well.

Talk later, need a cigarette.

I got a comment

2005-07-20T08:47:00.000-04:00

Girl, after reading some of your blogs about your b/f, you need to sit down with yourself and ask yourself some Serious questions! This guy just doesn't sound like he is the right one for you. It seems the relationship is unbalanced and that you are the one carrying it. Do you want to be remarried? Life is too short to spend with someone who doesn't feel the same about you..trust me..I got rid of someone like that once in my life, it was for 3 years going off and on...was the best thing I have done for myself ;-)

From Speedgrl.

Now I'm not sure if I know this person or not, but I thought I needed to clarify things.

As I was reading over my blog after getting this email I realized I do paint a pretty grim picture of my boyfriend. What you have to understand is that you are only getting one side of it. You are hearing my rantings and ravings and I don't write about my praises. That is entirely my fault. He is a great guy, who treats me well and I cannot see being with anyone else. He is the love of my life. The parts you are hearing are our fights and nothing else, so yeah it sounds like a nightmare. But we have way more good days than bad. Alot of our issues have to do with our personailties being so alike, we both want the last word, we both are completely independant, we both want and need our own space, and we both think we are right all the time, and we are both very stubborn.

After that really long email I wrote him, we did sit down and talk. We realized that we are "in a way" playing games with each other. When I feel he isn't emotionally there, then I pull away, so then he does and then I do, and it just spirals out of control and we got to the point that he thought I didn't love him or wasn't happy and he thought I didn't want him anymore. And I felt the complete opposite. Again, this all happened because we are so much alike and both responded to the situation exactly the same way. He told me he was very hurt by the email and felt horrible. Things are much better now. He and I are making much more of an effort to spend time together and not play games and communicate our feelings, we now tell each other we love each other every day.

It came down to both of us not wanting to be vulnerable, but we realized that it is just hurting the other person by being so closed, so we are working on opening up. This really has nothing to do with the other person, it is sort of a personal struggle we are both going thru at the same time, luckily we have each other to do it with and we understand each other.

Now don't get me wrong, he knows he isn't a very good boyfriend(romantic and thoughtful), he can admit it(and is making great strides in improving), but I love him in spite of that and accept him for his faults, as he accepts me for mine. THAT my friends is TRUE love.

So speedgrl and you other readers out there, thanks for your comments they are greatly appreciated, but things are ok, I promise.

7/19/05

2005-07-19T15:06:00.000-04:00

Well I went out on my first ride Sunday evening. Dwight and I both went. I felt nervous and asked him to come along. He was reluctant, but came and said I did good when we got back. I felt very comfortable out there. I had fun. I still haven't gotten my bike titled or registered because I have to ride it to the DMV so they can verify the VIN#. So I have been waiting until I felt comfortable. I am riding tomorrow to work because it is National Ride to Work Day, plus the DMV is open late on Wednesdays, so it works perfectly. I'll get the bike taken care of and I get to ride to work. Yeah!!!

That brings me to the conversation I had today with Dwight. He calls me and is like:
I don't think you should ride to work tomorrow and he proceeds to put me down and then I got defensive and it got nasty. I called him back and expressed that I didn't appeciate any of it. He appologized. I just wished he would be much more supportive.

Sometimes when he was giving me a lesson, I felt like he was a drill sargent. He wasn't the most patient teacher, that's for sure.

All in all today he just sucked the confidence out of me, made me feel like shit and make me second guess myself. Which sucked because he is my boyfriend and I expect the opposite from him. I expect him to support me, no matter if he agrees or not!!!

So anyway, I'm riding to work tomorrow regardless- I have to get the bike inspected. It has been over a month-I can't put it off any longer.

So here is to getting to work alive tomorrow!!

It's been rough

2005-07-15T07:46:00.000-04:00

So I haven't posted in a while. Life has been hectic. I have been spending my free time learning to ride my motorcycle. I am doing pretty good. I rode by myself yesterday. I think I did well. I only rode around Dwight's development and probably only went up to 40 miles per hour and 4th gear, but it's the slowing and stopping that confuses me sometimes. I have no problem getting her going. I fell pretty good turning too.

I have been reading a lot of motorcycle forums and it seems that a lot of people drop their bikes on turns when they first start riding. I can see how this happens, but I've been ok so far. I guess this is why Dwight kept making me do figure 8's in the parking lot. He said that turning was the most important aspect of riding. If you can't do it well and do it right, you will crash. His development has a lot of twisting roads and I took all of them really well. It's all about the lean and the correct speed.

In other news, my dog died on Monday night. We had to put her to sleep. I didn't realize I loved that dog so much until I got the call that the vet said she had to be put down. I cried. It may sound silly, until it happens to you.

She was about 11 years old, a German Sheppard, her name was Cricket (when she slept she made noises like a cricket). This was literally the smartest dog I have ever known. You didn't have to use "dog commands" to her, just regular language like she was a person. For example: You would give her a dog biscuit. So after she has it, you could say: Cricket eat that outside please. She would let herself out and eat the bone outside and then let herself back in. She was amazing and I will miss her so much.

In other news, last Thursday the police showed up at my house and had a search warrant. They search my house and took my computer and all my computer cd's and some financial documents. I still have no idea what is going on. I have done nothing wrong and cannot figure out what this is all about. I have had my identity stolen twice now after a house robbery and after my wallet was stolen from my purse. I am asumming this has to be connected to that. This really sucks. I am terrified. I have never had to deal with cops and shit like this. It pisses me off in a way and in a way if terrifies me.

So after dealing with all this you can see why I have been neglectful. I'm sorry.

Dwight and I

2005-06-23T12:51:00.000-04:00

This is the email I just sent Dwight: I'll explain later:

I don’t even know where to begin, I have some many thought in my head right now. So many feelings.

I guess, the biggest one that keeps surfacing is the fact that this whole thing hasn’t just effected me emotional but physically as well. I feel very ill today, my body is shaking, my stomach is in knots, I have a headache, my face is swollen for crying for 5 hours, and I feel worn out, just completely distraught.

I guess that most overwhelming emotions I have right now are devastation, betrayal, and an overwhelming loss of trust. I fell overwhelmingly sad, like I could break into tears at any moment.

Some of the thoughts that are swirling in my head are:
I guess he is right, I do hold back my feelings from him, never from myself, but from him because he doesn’t feel the same way and I’m not the one who is going to be vulnerable.

It sucks to love someone more than they love you and I’m not going to be that person, or I am that person, but he doesn’t need to know that.

He has tried to break up a couple times before, can I really trust him with my love? How can I trust that he will appreciate my love and give it back, the way I deserve?

I don’t have a bad attitude, yes, I have been in a bad mood before but I am usually in a good mood. Caitlyn does put me in a bad mood, and the loneliness makes me sad sometimes, but bad attitude, I don’t think so. Why can’t he be supportive when I’m like this and talk to me, instead of taking it personally.

After last night, I feel like my loyalty and commitment have been spit on. I am always the one who has been completely committed to this relationship, yet I feel like it is not appreciated, I’ve been accused of cheating-he even looked at my cell phone!!!!!!!! He is the one who makes me insecure by not calling and always being busy with other things, and never takes me out or wants to spend time together.

He talks about Joe and the way he is with Star and it makes me think that he doesn’t want me to be like that and so I back off and allow him his space. I don’t want to smother him. So I give him plenty of space. I don’t want it this way, but I thought by the way he talks about other people, that he wanted it like this.

I thought he liked it like this, considering he can make time to go out with his friends, but can’t make time to go out with me, I figured he wasn’t interested in spending time together. It has hurt me every time he does make time for everyone else but me, and I guess this is another reason I pull away, it is what I think he wants. And he has never told me differently.
He has always made it clear we were never going to get married and to me that means he isn’t interested in making a real commitment to me, which weighs on my mind a lot. I mean it is not like I want to get married any time soon, but when someone tells you, they will never get married to you, it hurts and it makes it seems like he thinks you are not good enough for him and that he is waiting for something better to come along. So I guess, I make him think that I feel the same way, because I don’t want to look like an idiot.

I’m not going to be the one who puts herself out there to be laughed at or mocked or taken advantage of. My love and feelings are to be cherished and he can’t appreciate them, so why should I show them to him?

I mean yeah, I guess I have a wall up, but so does he. His wall is huge. Mine would crumble in a second if I had some reciprocation. His will never come down. He will never fully, truly love me the way a man is suppose to love a women. This I have told him so many times.

He says he loves me, but how can I believe him? He doesn’t show it or say it? He tells me to fuck myself, and accuses me of cheating, and he never takes me out or does anything special for me.

I have a lot to work on, but he has a lot too. I have no idea how this man feels about me. NO IDEA!!! If his actions speak for themselves, I would say he doesn’t care if we broke up today, he would probably me relieved to get me out of his life. He doesn’t like the person I am and doesn’t like the clothes I wear or my body. He tells me to tone up and exercise all the time, he criticizes my clothes constantly and told me I have a bad attitude. So if he is so unhappy with the person I am, what is he doing with me?

This question is the most bothersome, and most hurtful and it is very hard to get past this one, it makes me sad, very very sad.

I have told him on many occasions that he is the love of my life and I get nothing in return, not even a I love you too. I’m just so tired of putting myself out there and constantly getting rejected. After a while, you stop hurting yourself and keep things to yourself. I reached this point a few months ago.

I am so proud of my man, I have pictures all over my desk at work, on my website and I always talk about him and I know I am not looked at in that same light. He literally is the light of my life and I know he doesn’t feel like that about me, so tell me, why on earth would I continue hurting myself by showing my love when I can hold everything in-- the hurt and the love. When your love isn’t returned it is hard to give it out again.

This is the damage that was made last night. Once again, he wasn’t committed in this relationship and shattered the trust. In order to be vulnerable and show your inner most feeling and thoughts, you have to love that person. I do not trust Dwight after last night. He wanted (and probably still does) want to walk away from this. This signifies a lack of love and commitment. I cannot put my love and trust into someone who has turned their back on me time and time again. Doesn’t he realize this only hurts us, not helps us? How am I suppose to give my all to someone who turns their back on me at the drop of a dime???? How am I suppose to give my all to someone who refuses to give his all to me????

6/23/05

2005-06-23T08:28:00.000-04:00

My gear:

I hope everything gets here soon. Everything but the jacket is paid for, I am paying for it tomorrow when I get paid. The gloves are fedex and suspose to be here Tuesday, the boots should be here by early next week too. I have the helmet already, and hopefully the jacket gets here by the end of next week. I am most excited about the jacket, can't wait to try it on.

Well otherwise, so much happened between Dwight and I that I haven't fully processed it. I am going to try to get all my feelings down on paper today and I'll share later.

6/22/05

2005-06-22T15:51:00.000-04:00

Well it's hump day. I hate Wednesdays, not sure why, but I do. I spent all day upgrading my computer here at work. I have a dinosaur compared to my new $1500.00 Dell at home. This one is a 300 MHz Gateway. I found some 128 Dimms in some old computers allowing me to go up to 256 RAM and upgrade to Windows XP. YEAH!!!!

This thing was so slow and now I'm soaring. So after the upgrade I couldn't log onto the server and I figured that out 2 hours later, and now I'm all set. I haven't been able to use my printer for 3 months and that works again too. I love Windows XP!!!!!!!!

It used to take about 4 minutes after I clicked the Internet Explorer icon for the window to come up, and when it did it was like having dial up. Now things are so fast. I am so happy, and so is my boss because I saved him like $1000.

So anyway, I bought some brand new black Timberland boots on ebay and a black Teknic leather jacket and I got some Icon yellow/black gloves and a yellow boot sox, and some yellow flame helmet decals and I ordered my fender eliminator kit. So I think I am officially all set!!!!!! I have ordered all my gear and I just have to wait for it to get here.

I want leather pants but Dwight isn't too happy about that, he thinks I will look to sexy in them. He doesn't like me to dress sexy. He always has a fit when my pants are too tight. I have what you would call a JLO ass, probably a little bigger and rounder but I only weight 120. It is Dwight favorite feature and he hates when I wear clothes that makes the bootie look real good. He thinks everyone looks at it. They do, but that should be flattering, shouldn't it? He never cares about my shirts, his issue is always with my lower half. So I told him I will make sure the pants are motorcycle leathers, because they are more functional than flattering. I'm not the kind of person who will allow a man to tell her how to dress, but I do love him and respect him enough to take his feelings into consideration. So I am trying to respect him and hopefully I can find something we are both happy with.

School is out of Friday, and then they go to Camp. That sucks because camp is farthur then school and now I will have a long more annoying commute in the am and pm, but it is only for about 7 weeks, because school started Aug 15. Kindergarten grauduation is Friday so I have a half day. I will come in after the ceremony.

That about catches us up!!!!

Bought my motorcycle!!!!!

2005-06-20T09:50:00.000-04:00

Isn't she pretty!!!

So here is the story. I bid on her and was outbid. The winner renegged on his purchase so I ws offered the bike. I offered the seller 2000.00 and he countered with 2100 and he will include a helmet, tank bag and gloves. So I went to check out the bike and bought it. The helmet fit perfectly. It is a size small and it has a front hinged chin. These are so cool and very expensive. The tank bag is also cool it is bright yellow and black and looks great. The gloves are a little worn and don't fit at all so those are a wash.

So we went on Sunday and picked it up, Dwight rode it home, about 1 hour.

Thats the great news, the bad news is that Dwight was a bitch all day. He went out the night before and got back really late and I woke him at 9:30am. When he told me to. He woke up in a very fowl mood. Really crabby, bitching, complaining, criticizing and just plain rotten. So I tried to stay as quiet as possible, as to not instigate him. Then as soon as we got to the guys house to buy the bike, his mood seemed to improve and when we got home he seemed to still be in a better mood. He gave me my first motorcycle lesson and we headed back over to my house. We laid down and watched some tv, before taking a nap. Then he woke up in a nasty mood again. He asks me about dinner and I am like I don't know. And they we come to the conclusion that I am not cooking since it is 7pm and we will do take out or something. So then he asks me again about dinner. I still don't know I told him to make a decision. It is fathers day, he gets to choose what he wants, not me. Well this isn't the answer he wanted and just leaves. So whatever, he has been crabby all day, until he got around that motorcycle. As soon as he wasn't he got crabby again.

I see it like this, it was fathers day, he needed to decide what he wanted for dinner. I wouldn't want him to decide for me on mothers day. Not to mention I didn't get anything for mothers day. Just an arguement. And he didn't call all day. He basically ruined my mothers day. I wanted to buy him dinner and do what he wanted, but I wasn't going to tell him chinese if he wanted ribs. He can never make a decision when it comes to stuff like this, he always puts it on me, he does it with movies, eating and anything that needs a decision. Well this time it wasn;t my place to make that decision. I was down for whatever he choose but instead of making a decision he got mad that I didn't make one and stormed out of the house like a 13 year old who didn't get his way.

Get over it!!!!!! IF i'M AT FAULT YOUR MORE AT FAULT

6/17/05

2005-06-17T12:51:00.000-04:00

Well Thank God it is Friday. This day will never end though. I have lunch for an hour and then I have to stay till 5. All the bosses are playing golf. I am so bummed and bored. I almost had 3 motorcycles and they all fell through.

1st one was a 2001 red and black 250 with 4k miles and upgrades for 1600, 3.5 hours away.

2nd one was a 2003 blue and yellow with 4.5 k miles and upgrades for 2100, 5 hours away

3rd was a 2004 yellow with 1.5k miles for 2300, only 1 hour away

1st one-he sold it-I was second in line.
2nd one-with the price and travel fees and truck rental to get it-it is more than I want to spend.
3rd one-was on ebay. I bid 2250 but was outbid. I wouldn't go any higher.

So now I'm down to the 2001 red and black with 9k miles and 1 hour away. He will deliver the bike. I have an appointment to go see the bike on sunday. I put a bid of 1600 on it and will go up to 1900 I think. I hope it doesn't go any higher. It is at 1525 right now. The auction doesn't end until wednesday.

I was hoping to to get one this weekend. This is getting frustrating!!!!!!!

Terry Schiavo

2005-06-16T09:09:00.000-04:00

So Terry Schiavo's husband was right all along and it was worse than everyone thought. She was also blind. He brain weighed half that of a normal human. It is so sad, but if her wishes were to not live like that, then she shouldn't have to. I can't believe her parents are refusing to believe the autoposy reports. The newspaper said, her parents will be getting their own doctors to look at the data. I just can't believe that. I thought for sure that once the results were made public, that they would be able to accept it and move on, but apparently they are still fighting. For what? She can't come back. Why are they still fighting the truth as they have been all along. Why can't they just admit they were wrong about the severity of her condition?

Because of all of the craziness I made up a living will and stated I do NOT want to be kept alive in a situation like Terry's. I would much rather go meet my maker and enjoy heaven then live a life like that. She wasn't living, she was breathing, she wasn't thinking, feeling or seeing anything.

I feel bad for her family, but I also feel bad for her husband who had to fight so hard to follow her wishes. Knowing he was doing the right thing the whole time, and having his name dragged thru the mud with specuation of murder, infidelity, abuse and everything else imaginable. The autoposy found no evidence of abuse, stragulation, or an eating disorder. I think the Schindler family owes him a whooper of an apology. He felt like he was doing the right thing for his wife; what she wanted. He didn't cheat on her when she was well and started this battle a long time before he started seeing someone else. He started the battle when he exausted all other treatments and doctors and they all agreed she would not improve. He started this battle long ago for her not for himself, and it pisses me off that the media keeps putting a negative spin on his story. If you look at the time line of events, you will also see. But the media doen't want you to see that side of the story, because it is more interesting to believe their made up lies.

Well the whole this is tragic and sad, for all parties involved, but the american public acts like this doesn't happen everyday. Well it does. My fathers family had to decide to pull the plug on my grandfather who was on a ventilator. He didn't make the headlines.

It did make everyone aware the living wills are necessary, and that was good. I also made out the last Will and Testament. So I am covered if I die or don't. My family knows exactly what I want, and they know that no matter how hard it is to let me go, they will do it. I have their word.

I have lots of peace knowing that Terry is up in heaven, a perfect angel, like she was when she was 26, free of pain and suffering and happy. Why can't that be enough for her parents? Why would they choose otherwise for their daughter? If they wanted to trully protect her, they would have sent her to God a long time ago, to me they have very selfish motives, it wasn't about her, it was about them and their loss.

Just my opinion, we all have our own views, I appreciate your comments, but don't get nasty, I am openminded, please do the same.

6/15/05

2005-06-15T15:44:00.000-04:00

Well I talked to an old friend today. She was my maid of honor in my wedding and one of my best friends in school, we had a group of us and we all were really tight. She called my mom a few days ago to tell me about our 10 year high school reunion. I called her immediately. I have been waiting for this reunion. I can't wait. I am very excited. I miss everyone so much. It is hard living here, because I can't bump into anyone or stop by and hang out. So we talked for like an hour and caught up on everything. I am so glad she is doing well and she sounds happy.

Congratulations to her, she is expecting a baby soon. She is 5 months pregnant.

Well I hope to stop by and see her when I go to Lancaster for the concert July 2nd. Hopefully we can have lunch together or something.

Everyone one else seems to have drifted apart, except Shannon, who seems to be doing well also.

Well anyway, thats seems to be all the news for now, still hunting ebay down for my motorcycle. I will be buying one before the month ends. I guarantee it.

6/13/05

2005-06-13T15:45:00.000-04:00

So I do not think I mentioned that I want to buy a motorcycle. I finally found the one I want. And I always get what I want. First, it is a Kawasaki Ninja, a 250 R. Yes it is small, but I am 5'1" and weigh 125 pounds. So I need a small bike. Plus it is not like I want to go crazy on it. Just have some fun. And they are incredible at keeping there value, so I can sell it in a few years and get a 500 if I want-if I will fit. Plus it is a great bike to learn on and I can get a used 2003 for $2000 or a brand new one for $3000. Very much in my price range. So I am set and in love with my soon to be my new bike. I have been on ebay everyday checking them out and have become addicted. I don't have all the funds right now, but I am working on it.

So I just found out that the verdict is in in the Michael Jackson trial. It will be announced at 4:00pm. Lord this is exciting, I want him to be found guilty, but for some reason I think he will get off, just like OJ and Robert Blake. Can't wait!!!

Sesame Place on Friday SUCKED!!! It kept raining on and off all day long. We spent half of the day running and hiding from the rain. But when it wasn't raining we had fun on the water slides.
The water slides were a blast!!!

Dwight spent the night Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday. His ac was broken so he hung out at my place, considering I keep the ac at 68 degrees. The kids went to church on sunday till about 5. So that was a nice break I needed that, considering there deadbeat dad is in rehab again. He called while we were at sesame place to tell me. Great!!! (sarcastic)

He is such a bum!!! This is his third round in rehab. I'll believe it when I see it. I'm tired of what he puts these kids thru.

Well that seems to be all the drama, I'm sure I will be writting about Michael Jackson tomorrow.

Terrified to move in with Dwight

2005-06-08T11:33:00.000-04:00

I forgot how the conversation started but Dwight made a comment about me giving him cash when I live there. Then it goes like this:

Me:I'm not giving you cash when I live there
Him: What? Why not? You can't live here for free?
Me: I don't expect to, but I'm not handing you cash either?
Him: Hmmm?
Me: I'll pay all the bills and buy groceries or something, but I am not handing you cash.
Him: what is the difference?
Me: there is a huge difference, first it will make me feel like I am paying rent or something, instead on contributing to our household, and it will make me feel completely out of control. it will make me feel like i'm just some kind of roomate.
him:well you kinda are, I mean we are not married.
me: how rude!! no we aren't married and won't be but i'm definately not a roomate, you can kick out your roomate and evict him-your not evicting me!!!!! We aren't married, but we will be partners if we are going to live together.

So then we get into the whole logistics of everything, what bills and how much and grocieries and shit. He kept insinuating that my portion wouldn't compare to his portion. He has a 900.00 mortgage payment and thats it. I would pay everything else. I think he is getting off easy. So after all the back and forth we decided to sit down with all of our bills and write it out and come to an equal agreement. I bring home 605.00 each week after all of my deductions and I know his paychecks are like 1000 every 2 weeks after all of his deductions. so I am pretty sure we can work it out. I have to get my list together. Besides that we have a lot more to discuss.

I just found out that he has never lived with a women before. He is 34 years old and has had girlfriends but says he never loved anyone like he loves me and he hasn't loved anyone in a real long time. So in a way that makes me feel very special. I have tried to break up with him twice and he has begged for my forgivness and won't let me go, which was very surprising because I thought he wasn't feeling that strongly for me, and that isn't in his nature.

On the other hand, I was married for 8 years before dating Dwight and have been completely independant for 2 years. So I am basically terrified to give up my independance, my freedom to walk out of his door and go to my house alone. I am a loner and I enjoy my alone time, and I would have to give that up. I am scared to tell him how I am really feeling, because I showed hesitation once and it really hurt him. He got all-just forget it-type attitude with me. He was like: I never put myself out there and I did and you just rejected me and that is exactly why I don't put myself out there. So I reassured him that I wasn't rejecting him.

I think about things like what happens if this doesn't work out and I sell 3/4 of my belongings to move in there and I have to find a place to live again and have to replace all those things. There are no guarantees in love and life and I dont want to jump too fast.

On the other hand, we do get along great when we are together, I'd say that 95% of our fights are over the phone. We hardly ever fight in person. Plus I love him more than anyone before.

Plus another issue that makes me uneasy is the fact that it is HIS house and I won't feel completly at home for a while. I will feel like I have to ask permission to decorate and stuff. Plus there is no room in his room for any of my clothes and I have A LOT. So that is a whole nother issue to deal with. His son has the big room, I think I have to convince him to switch rooms, which he is going to fight me on.

See what I mean, there is so much...........can I really do this? I am terrified? Is this normal?

More Jokes

2005-06-03T15:09:00.000-04:00

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely she is, after all, over 80 years of age, but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
The pharmacist fainted.

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester.
These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.
The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page.
On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?

2005-06-01T10:46:00.000-04:00

Get this headline in todays newspaper:

Police: Mom was paid for silence in daughter's rape

Fiance agreed to pay $500 every 2 weeks for 10 years in notarized deal

What the HELL kind of mother is that??

She ended up posting bail for $1,000 and the fiance is still in jail because his bail was $41,000.

What the HELL kind of system is that??

They both should of gotten the same bail, she doesn't deserve to be walking the streets any more than that pervert.

Apparently this is the story. The daughter was 15 years old. The 54 year old mother is a child social worker, she works with sexually abused and exploited children, the mother called the police to report the crime a few days ago-8 months after the rape occured. Her 38 year old live in boyfriend was charged with the rape. The mother refused to say why she is coming forward now. They continued living together for the past 8 months and became engaged in December.

How on earth could you marry a man who raped your daughter?? What the HELL was she thinking.

If she could turn on her daughter for money, who knows what she has done in the past or capable of in the future. Isn't part of being a mother protecting your children at all costs-even death if necessary. Isn't that our first priority as a mother? And to top it off she is a child social worker, working with sexually abused kids-YOUR FIRED!!!!

5/31/05

2005-05-31T16:27:00.000-04:00

Well crap, back at work today. I have compiled over 500 emails that is part of my internet income ebook today, into a spreadsheet. I can't believe I have gotten over 500 emails about his stuff. So now is the daunting task of reserching each website and seeing if I can find any good opportunities to make some real money on the net with little to no investment. I'm not looking for a get rich quick scheme, just something that actually generates income without spending a fortune to get started. So we will see. I'll let you all know of the progress. I have a prediction that my list will be up over 1,000 web sites researched before the ebook is out.

So the only drama in my life right now is Dwight, everything has been great. I went over to his house Monday night to eat as I said I was and we watched tv together and everything was wonderful, I helped cook the corn and he did the rest. As we were standing in the kitchen looking after the food, he asks"Did you miss me this weekend" So I say in my pouty voice"Yes" and he gives me a hug and kisses me on my forhead and says "I'm sorry, that will never happen again" AAAWWWW!!!! I love him so much!!!! So we eat and I get ready to go and help him clean the kitchen before I do. As he is washing the dishes he asks if he is allowed to come over and spend the night tonight, since he isn't going to go to work. I tell him, Of course. So I leave.

So, we are at my house and I dye my hair, the highlights are growing out and so I dye it to blend to my natural color and even everything out. It looks great by the way. He lays down and I tell him to elevate his leg and I will get him anything he needs.

Well everything is great again, and here is the drama-to me anyway. He says his roomate has applied for a job 2 hours away and will probablyt be moving out if he gets it. He has been waiting for his roomate to move out, so I can move in. He asked me at the begining of the year and I said yes. My dilema is, I keep regreating the day I told him yes. I have been terrified, and always think about it. I am scared of many things. I will write a pros and cons list later.... I'm going to need your help with this one!!!

5/30/05

2005-05-30T15:21:00.000-04:00

Well it is Memorial day!! The unofficial start of summer. It has been a pretty relaxing weekend. I haven't done anything eventful at all. Friday night Dwight spent the night and we had great before sleep and morning sex. I always get morning sex when he spends the night. Yea!!! And then Saturday the girls went to the Aunts house for a few hours. Then we went over to Dwights house for a little while. Then I brought them home so they could take a nap. Dwight offered on Friday night, to treat us to dinner on saturday, so I was planning to go back over and spend the night. But he decided to go out with the boys, which was cool, since he never goes out. So we didn't go back over and I ran to mcdonalds to feed the girls. Dwight did promise to take me riding on his motorcycle on sunday to make up for saturday. So I wa looking forward to that, until he called and told me he wrecked the motorcycle again!!!!

He was doing a wheelie and it went to high and he fell face first into the pavement and his bike insn't rideable. So I am wanting to kill him for doing tricks when he wrecked his bike doing the same thing a few months ago. Thanl god I bought him a $320 leather riding jacket for x-mas. The jacket is all messed up, but I'm glad it is the jacket and not his body. He at least was wearing his helmet. Well his knee and kands are messed up and swolen, but otherwise the bike looks worse than him.

I told him he better stop whiling out and chill on that bike before he kills himself, he has 2 kids and me and my 2 kids that would be devested if anything happened to him. I think he gets it. Or at least the way he was talking today to one of his boys on the phone, made me think, he finally gets it.

So he calls me on Saturday morning to tell me about the accident and then tells me he was going over to his boys house for about an hour. Mind you this was a 10:30am. So again, I'm cool with it because he never hangs out with his friend.

He didn't make it home till about 7:30pm. I spoke with him about 7 times throughout the day and each time, I told him to come home so we can chill together, while both sets of our kids are gone. I finally get over to his house and he is SLEEPING on the couch. After watching 1 show with me he falls back asleep, so I make him go into his room and go to bed and I left.

He calls me this morning, and asks me to take a ride with him about 1 1/2 hours to pick up his son. So I told him no. We hung up.

I called him back and said, "for the record I am mad at you" So I explained to him, that he blew me off for 2 days and now when he needs me I'm suspose to just jump. So he tried to defend himself and realized what he was saying was BS, so he apologized. If any of you have read this blog, you know he does NOT apologize. So yeah, I ended up going with him, because I am a good girlfriend, and I don't blow him off.

So he dropped me off back home and I wanted to get a post in before heading back over there so he can cook for me.

ps. no sex for a while, he is all busted up from the accident, what am I going to do??????? This is a nightmare come true. :-(

5/25/05

2005-05-25T12:50:00.000-04:00

Well no bosses again today. And no Laurie. And tomorrow and Friday, Jonny is out. There isnâ€™t 1 day this week we were all here.
Tomorrow the bosses come back so this is our last day to relax. Kevin has me doing payables. Then I will be the only one here that has trained for every job.

Caitlyn got her first degree yellow belt yesterday. She did really good. I was very proud of her. Soccer practice is canceled tonight, yeah!!!! Maybe I will go see Dwight.

He called me this morning at like 7:00am. I was getting ready for work. He was basically calling me to tell me he was horny and wanted sex. I was laughing. Iâ€™m like you called me, just to tell me your horney? Now Iâ€™m the one who always wants it more than him. I tell him all the time, that we do not have sex enough. 2 or 3 times a week sucks, and I want it more. He used to love having it everyday, but when I complained he said he liked it like this because it is more passionate and it is better when we wait and when we want each other a lot. Iâ€™m like, NO!! I want it more. So he left it at that. I was happy to know he was at work thinking about having sex with me, just out of the blue.

Sometimes I get insecure, because he does not ever express his feelings. I know he loves me but sometimes it just sucks not to hear it or not to be told how much or anything like that. So to know he was thinking about me sexually today was wonderful.

So maybe I will go see him and give him what he needs, what he deserves. What I want. Damn sex is so good with him, like I told him before, I could do it morning, noon and night. Just talking about him and sex makes me horny.

Well got to go to my lunch break.

5/24/05

2005-05-24T08:45:00.000-04:00

Well no bosses again, today!! But I still have a stack of stuff to do. I only got about half done yesterday, I ended up playing with bog explosion's new rocket system. Pretty cool. I ended up winning like 50 credits as well as generating traffic. I would take me all day to get credits like that. That is 100 blogs. So after surfing for the past couple of weeks, I have found layouts of other blogs, that I love. I am looking into getting some special features and a new template. If anyone knows a good site that offers these services for free, please shoot me a comment.

No jokes from my dad today, damn. The stuff he sends is usually pretty good. But he sends a lot of media files that I do not know how to upload on blogspot. I don't think they will host it. Anyone know how??

I was like 8 minutes late for work this morning. I am usually 20 minutes early. We missed the damn bus this morning. So I had to drive to the next bus stop which wasn't for like 5 miles and ended up putting me back at my house. I don't use this bus top because it would make me late for work everyday, hence the reason why I am 20 minutes early everyday. Well none of the bosses were here today, so if anyday to be late, today was a good day. I think even if they were here, they wouldn't even know if I was late.

So, there isn't much to watch on tv anymore. I caught the season finale of Medium and the 3rd part of the season finale of Extreme Home Makeover. Oh yeah and the 2nd part of the season finale of 7th Heaven.
Medium: anyone know who the guy from Texas was? The cop, Captain something? How did she know him?
Extreme Home Makeover: This was the how'd they do that show, EHM is my favorite show on TV BUT this was pretty boring. I thought that the family was definately worthy, but it just wasn't very heartwrenching to me, not like last weeks show with the cop widow and the 3 little boys, that show made me cry so much.
7th heaven: Mary is a bitch, Simon is stupid, Yeah! Lucy and Kevin are finally moving out and right behind their parents house-cool, and tons of other stuff happened, can't wait for next season. How long has this show been on the air???

So tonight is Americal Idol. It is so hard for me to pick a winner this year. In all the years past I was always certain who was going to win. I picked Fantasia right from her audition. I picked Ruben from the audition and Kelly, she was always a favorite after her big band performance. But this year, the 2 finalists are so different. It is like comparing apples to oranges. One is rock and the other is country. I like them both. Both are humble and not cocky, both seems to be gentle, good souls. Let me be the bad guy for a moment, I was thinking, How many rock singers do we know that have a 1 man show? Barely a handful. You had Elvis of course. They today there is Sting, Jon Bon Jovi, John Mellencamp and who else, I can't think of anyone else. There just isn't many. It is very hard to be a one man rock group and I definately think he is good enough to pull it off in the long run, but will it really last? On the other hand, Carrie, a country singer. There are scores of coutry women at the top of the country charts. I think she could definately have a huge country career. But she may get lost in all the women stars. I personally would benefit more from Bo's record. I don't like country and I love rock. So personally think Carrie can definately singer better, she is just so effortless, no matter what she singes, her voice is always amazing, she will become a star weither she wins or looses, BUT I think Bo will win, because he is rock and America wants to see a rocker win and rock is more mainstream and he is really really good, the acapella was amazing. But for the record, Carrie can sing better-technically.

Tonight is Caitlyns Karate Belt Test, she is going for her orange belt. It starts at 6pm at the school in the gym. I hope she does well, she has been one of the best in the class all year. She did have training already so she didn't have to learn the form, just the moves in sequence. Soccer ends soon to. I got to find something for these kids to do all summer.

Well that is about all. I have to get back to work and do a little rocket on web explosion. Check you out later.

5/23/05

2005-05-23T15:32:00.000-04:00

Well all of the bosses are gone again. But I am pretty busy. I cannot believe it is 3:30 already. I have lots to do, but I had to find time to write a little.

So Star Wars results are in..........158.5 million from Thursday to Sunday. Shattering the 3 AND 4 day opening records. What did I tell you. What did I predict? I think I predicted a weekend total of 140 million. Wow!! I was blown away. The record was 115 with Spiderman's 4 day weekend. OMG!!! It did shatter it, didn't it. So for all of you haters out there........STAR WARS ROCKS!!!!!!

I have a joke for y'all my dad sent me. He used to send them all the time and then stopped, so I told him to send them again, so I can post them.

Dead Private Parts
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong. "Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My private part died today, and I am very sad." Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences." The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his private part hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your private part back inside your pajamas." "But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my private part died." "Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy. "Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing."

Well I made my appointment today for my initial consult for getting my tubes tied. Dwight got all stupid about it. He was like, What about our daughter? I'm like what daughter, I thought we discussed this. I'm not having another kid, especially not being married and what not. Look, I have no ring on my finger that will make me rethink this, and I don't want a ring on my finger. And you don't want to put one on me. I thought we were all good with this. Stop screwing with me. Then he askes, if he did put a ring on my finger, would things be different, and I think maybe they would be, but I'm not getting married again, not anytime soon anyway. Well, then I talked to him at lunch and told him the appointment date and time and he was all like, good for you, I don't want to hear about it, all nasty. I have a feeling this isn't going to go well.

My Job

2005-05-20T16:11:00.000-04:00

Well I promised to start writing about some more appealing subjects besides my normal posts of how my previous day went and what I watched on TV. I asked Dwight to give me some topics but he came up blank, well he actually had one suggestion. To write about our baby issue and me getting my tubes tied and that whole deal. I told him I already wrote about it. He was like huh? You canâ€™t be writing that kind of stuff, I donâ€™t want my business all over the internet!! I was like, look it is anonymous and itâ€™s not like anyone I know reads it anyway. This is my diary- I wonâ€™t give anyone I know the URL. This is a place I can talk shit about people when they get on my nerves-I donâ€™t want to offend anyone or hurt anyoneâ€™s feelings and at the same time I want to be completely free to write how I really feel. So even though strangers read my posts- you are essentially the only ones who know what really is going on in my brain-kind of ironic huh?

So Lets seeâ€¦â€¦.lets start with my job.

So I moved to Delaware about 4 years ago and when I first moved here, it was really hard to find a job. A good one that is. I worked at a gas station 3rd shift for a few months because I couldnâ€™t find anything else, and I needed money bad. Then I couldnâ€™t stand that anymore so I quit and finally found a secretary job. I worked there for a while till I couldnâ€™t take that anymore either. Then I worked temp jobs because they were paying 18.00 an hour. I did the temp thing for the next 3 years. I got tired of that too, even though I loved the money. It sucked every time an assignment ended to have to worry how long I was going to be out of work until they found me another assignment. So I finally started looking for permanent employment. Over the 3 years of temping I had some really good companies on my resume, I have an associates degree in Computer Information Systems and have some financial background. So I got the job where I am at now and I make 32,000 a year. With an extra 7,500 in child support and my tax return is usually 5,000. So you add that together and I am looking at 45,000 a year. Wow, I make more than either of my parents ever have, and I am only 27 so things are only going to go up from here. I like where I am at now. It is a very small company. Well not that small, but the office staff is small. We are a pallet company, we are a recycle center, we repair and sell back repairs and we are also like a pallet broker, where we find the customer and the mill and charge more than the mill and make the profit. We have over 5 million in profit each year. We have about 60 recycle center workers, 5 sales persons, and 5 office workers. I have direct contact with the owner on a daily basis and work very closely with the CFO. I am not sure what my official title is, but I do a lot of auditing and financial spreadsheets and I also handle all of the accounts receivable. All of the office workers collectively answer the phone, but I no longer am someoneâ€™s assistant. I have been doing that for a couple of years and hated it, I kind of felt degraded because I knew my skills were much higher than that.

So I started here on March 7th. I can get benefits on June 7th, really soon. We donâ€™t have anything great because we are pretty small, but medical and dental and time off. I get 5 days vacation and 5 sick days in my first year. I actually have already used some of this time, The insurance is paid 75% by them, so that seems pretty good. But it sucks there is no kind of 401k or pension or profit sharing or life insurance. I opened an account an ING to save on my own at 3%, it is taxed but oh well. I love the fact that this is a small company, I feel more important than in a huge corporation like Dupont. I work 8-5 with an hour for lunch. I usually go home for that hour and either take a nap for 40 minutes or watch TV or do chores

I have more flexibility here too. That reminds me I have to email my boss about time off needed.

Well now for the people I work with. First is the owner, his name is Bob. He is a 40 something tall guy, good looking for his age I guess. He is married with 2 kids I think. He is in the office like 7 days of 20 a month. He averages like 2 days a week since I have been here. He is on vacation the rest of the time. He has a yacht and is in the Florida keys all the time. He does work from the boat via his blackberry and laptop, and makes sure we all are on track doing our job. His office is like 20 feet from me. Next is my immediate supervisor, Kevin. He is the CFO. He is also married with 1 or 2 kids. I work very closely with him, doing audits on inventory, general ledger accounts and whatnot. He is also 40 something. He reminds me of my dad a lot!! He is short like my dad, his hair is just like my dadâ€™s, built like my dad, a sense of humor just like my dad, and swears like a sailor just like my dad. He is hilarious, when we sit together and work, he has me laughing the whole time, making fun of people in the office. His office is way in the back of the building, I hardly ever see him, unless I go back there. That is it for people above me. So you see, the work environment is very lax, I donâ€™t have someone watching over my shoulder 24-7. Which allows me time to blog when I am out of things to do. Some times I can blog all day. Sometimes I fell like I am getting paid to blog.

So for the people working around me. I have 4 people who work around me. First, the closest, is Jonny. She does accounts payable, payroll, benefits and general office management stuff like order office supplies. She is a large women who laughs like aâ€¦â€¦I donâ€™t know, all I know is it is the most annoying laugh I ever heard, and so loud, so canâ€™t escape it. I know, it is like a hyena. Well she has been here the longest and is in her late forties, so she is the oldest. Because of these 2 factors, and the fact that she is a miserable bitch, she thinks she can tell everyone here what to do and how and when to do it. She tried it on me, and I put her in her place. She leaves me alone now and we only communicate when it is work related. She got pissed at me for reading the newspaper and was like â€œAs a co-worker, it pisses me off that I am working as you sit there and read the fucking paper, the least you could do is answer the god damn phone.â€� And Iâ€™m like, â€œLook every time I try to answer the phone, you already have it, it is not like it is ringing more than once and I am ignoring it, stop answering it first and I will get it, and by the way I come in 20 minutes early everyday, if I want to take 10 minutes to read the paper, than I have every right.â€� She is like, â€œThat doesnâ€™t matterâ€� And Iâ€™m like, â€œthe hell it doesnâ€™t, I donâ€™t get paid to be here 20 minutes early everyday, so Iâ€™m going to take 10 minutes to read the paper, get over it.â€� Well the whole thing was heard by the owner and he didnâ€™t say anything to me. I did tell Kevin about it and he told me not to worry about her, that she acts that way to everybody. I told him, I donâ€™t mind being told what to do by him or Bob, but I refuse to be TOLD what to do, or especially be swore at by co-workers. I think the swearing is what pissed me off the most. She is not married and never has been and has no kids. She does have a live-in boyfriend. But he is smart enough not to marry her and she was smart enough not to procreate.

Next is Vanessa, She is cool as shit. She does all the invoicing. She and I get along the best I think. She is my age, I think a year younger than me. Her and I are the only ones with a college degree. We both have 2 little girls. She just started seeing someone. I think we have a lot in common and we are close in age, so we get along great. We talk to each other about our drama and about shit in general. She sits about 10 feet from me. I have nothing bad to say about her.

So next is Laurie, she is pretty cool. I think she is in her late thirties. When I first met her, she was wearing a glove on one hand in the middle of the day at the office. So I thought that was pretty weird, but then I found out she has Lupus and it apparently makes just her one hand cold. She is usually the first one here in the morning, and handles inputting all the sales orders into the computer and getting the orders to the mill and the recycle center manager. So she is very busy. She is married and has 2 kids, 1 of which she shares custody with her x-husband. She can get bitchy sometimes, but all around is pretty cool.

Then there is Greg and Bill. Bill is the salesperson for this area and Greg is the recycle center Manager. I really donâ€™t work with them at all. Bill is on the road sometimes and I really never see Greg unless it involves getting inventory numbers.

Thatâ€™s the gang. Then we have like 60 recycle center employees (all illegal Mexicans) that work outside in the plant, and I see them when I go outside to smoke, but never have anything to do with them.

So that is my job.

How much are you worth?

2005-05-20T11:04:00.000-04:00

I am worth $1,609,192 on HumanForSale.com

5/20/05

2005-05-20T10:11:00.000-04:00

Yes!! The series Finale of the Apprentice was on last night. They didnâ€™t have a long drawn out affair like last season. The last one was 3 hours long, this one was 1 hour. Much better!!

So, if you havenâ€™t heard yet, my girl won!!!! Go Kendra!!!!

I am such a good predictor or these reality show winners.

Yes!! The Series Finale of Americas Next Top Model was on Wednesday night. Keenya finally got kicked off about half way thru the show and it was down to Naiema and Kayleen. I hoped it was between these 2 and it was and I hoped Naiema would win and SHE DID!!!!!

I love her. She deserved it so much.

My reality shows are dwindling down, I donâ€™t have much left to watch. Lets seeâ€¦..The Contender has like 2 episode left. Americas Next Top Model is Over, Survivor is over, The Apprentice is over, The Amazing Race is over. American Idol has 1 show left. OMG I have only 2 reality shows left and they are almost over too!!!!

My regular shows are dwindling down too. Lets seeâ€¦..Desperate Housewives has 1 show left. Extreme Home Makeover, not sure. Lost has 1 or 2 more shows left. Medium should be wrapping up soon. Supernanny is over, and scores of other fall episodes are all ending or already ended. I pray these networks have something in store for the summer season, something good, because I havenâ€™t seen anything great being advertised yet.

Wow, the revelation on top of Star Wars ending, I am going to get sad. I have got to find something to watch this summer. I admit from 8 till 11 is my TV, relax and unwind, ME time. I will be going to sleep at 8pm every night if nothing comes on. Damn it!!!! See now I am starting to panic. I got to go now, need to do some internet searches to find some summer programming.

2005-05-20T09:37:00.000-04:00

Star Wars

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

2005-05-20T09:18:00.000-04:00

So I saw Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, last night with my girls. I have seen the last 5 on opening day. The only one I havenâ€™t seen on opening day is The first one, which is really #4, which was released the year I was born. I guess it had become a tradition of sorts to see it on opening day, so I went.

And as excited as I was to finally see it, after waiting for so long in between each episode, I was sad at the end to see it all end. But my girls havenâ€™t seen 4, 5 and 6. So I can relive the excitement thru them, when we watch them together and the stories continue for them.

I was surprised to actually get tickets last night, I went right after work and we were like 45 minutes early and the theater we went to, doesnâ€™t sell tickets online, so I thought I had a better chance of getting tickets than the other 2 theaters in the area that do sell tickets online. I was right. Since we got there so early, we walked over to the grocery store to kill some time and got some candy and soda for the movie and smuggled it in.

When we got back to the theater, it was packed. But we found good seats. Iâ€™m glad we were early, because it was sold out by this point.

So the review:
I absolutely loved it. I have heard people say it was boring and not good. These people were obvious blind or retarded. There was action from the first second to the last. Boring is the last word I would use to describe the movie. I remember thinking in the first movie, â€˜how can that cute, sweet little Anakin, become evil? What reason could make him turn?â€™ Watching 1 and 2, I just couldnâ€™t picture any situation that would make him turn. But in #3 they make it happen. And they do it so well, I have to say, I will watch 4, 5 and 6 with a new pair of eyes. It makes you respect Darth Vader in a weird way. Now seeing the first 3 I have to see the last 3 again, even though I have seen them like 50 times each. The special affects were once again amazing, there was some humor as well, I think the crowd (including myself) laughed about a dozen times. And there are some dark parts and some explosive action scenes. Iâ€™m not sure how it compares to all the others, I donâ€™t want to say better or worse, but I can say it does FIT. It fits perfectly in the series. All in all I give it an A+. I give the Series an A+++++++. The best movie series in the history of filmmaking, and I am proud to have been a part of it, and I will be able to tell my grandchild about seeing 5 out of 6 of them on opening day!!!

Prediction:
Everyone is saying that the box office sales canâ€™t beat Spiderman at 40 million on opening day. The experts say there is no way. They just released the midnight showings numbers: 18 million. Almost half of that of Spiderman, in 1 show. Well even after those numbers were released, they are still sticking with their prediction that it canâ€™t beat Spiderman. Fandango.com says that the tickets were selling at 4 per second and now they are selling at 6 per second. Well I predict 60 million in the first day and 140 million for the weekend, and I predict it will break ALL records, including Spidermanâ€™s biggest first day ever @ 40 million and Shrekâ€™s biggest single day ever @44 million and Spidermanâ€™s biggest weekend ever @ 115 million. I predict a sweep in all the records. Check back next week, I will post the results of the box office and see if I was right, email me your predictions and I will post them here, also tell me what you thought of the movie and I will post those too!!!

May the force be with you.

5/19/05

2005-05-19T10:55:00.000-04:00

So I have been doing some research on the internet about generating income from your blog. I read somewhere this guy was making $3,000 a month by just posting every day. He got lots of traffic and advertiser were approaching him for ad space and he was making, again, 3 grand a month. That sounded wonderful to me, who started doing this as a hobby, to get my feelings and thoughts out, living in delaware away from friends and family, I don't have many people, to spend time with and share those feelings/thoughts/opinions and whatnot. So I thought this would be a great outlet. And I love it so far, but I read this article have been very intrigued.

So I am going to continue to reasearch and try out some income promising programs for a little while and I will report back on my results. So stay tuned if you are interested in making a little money on the side for all of your invested time. I mean who couldn't use an extra 3 grand a month?

What are the keys to your heart?

2005-05-18T15:29:00.000-04:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

This one is Right On!!!!!!!
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

You know your from blank when blank

2005-05-18T14:26:00.000-04:00

This one is good even though I have only been here 4 years, I completely got it or at least most of it.

You Know You're From Delaware When...

You know where, what and when the Hummers Parade is held.

"Vacation" means going to Rehoboth or Cape "Cantaloupe" Henlopen.

You know the best subs come from Capriotti's.

You used to play in the wooder in the crick, and caught fraugs.

Your school classes were canceled because of 3 snowflakes.

The whole state panics and uses all of their road salt for those 3 snowflakes.

You love the beach but hate the tourists.

You know about punkin-chunkin and you have your favorite chunker.

You know someone who went to school with one of the Capano's.

You've eaten scrapple sandwiches.

You can identify all the major types of manure by smell (especially chicken!)

If it takes more than an hour to drive to, you're not going.

You know what a "slippery" dumpling is.

You know who YouDee is.

Somebody in your family has worked for the DuPont Company.

You think the "Apple Scrapple Festival" is perfectly normal, except for all those granola types running in the 5K race.

You think, maybe, just maybe, you might get a White Christmas. Then
it rains.

The highest point in the state is a rise on the golf course.

The state has one hill. You've been sledding on it.

You remember WAMS and WCAU (BARSKY in the morning!).

You know NewERK is in New Jersey, but NewARK is in Delaware.

You know how to carefully pronounce the name Foulk Road.

You talk of Northern Delaware and the entire Eastern Seaboard as "above the canal."

You know if another Delawarean is from southern, middle or northern Delaware as soon as they open their mouth.

You know the name of every street in Delaware, but have no idea what the route number is.

When you want to go out for a nice dinner, you have to switch states.

You can remember when Maryland Bank (MBNA) swallowed up Ogletown and Putt-Putt.

Everywhere you go, you always run into someone you know or went to school with.

You know what Newark Night and First Night are.

You know exactly which roads to avoid due to the CONSTANT road
construction.

You love Dollie's salt water taffy and Grotto's Pizza.

You know where all of the late-night 24-hour rest stops and restaurants are.

You can remember when Christiana Hospital was a field with cows.

You remember when Christiana Mall had a Galaxy arcade.

When you go out of state to shop or eat, you are always surprised about the tax

You know the differences in housing in Elsmere, Pike Creek, and Greenville.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Delaware.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

Here is the Lancaster, Pa one, I lived here the longest. The place I used to call home before moving to Delaware. This one is hilarious and oh, so true.

You Know You're From Lancaster When...

Your idea of Chicken Pot Pie has nothing to do with a pie and you can't figure out why people might think it would.

Your driving lessons involved learning to avoid horse droppings.

You know at least 5 euphemisms for animal manure and at least 4 of them involve food.

You know how to cook, but not without butter.

You know what a Fire Hall Wedding is

You've been to a Chicken and Waffle Dinner

You spend at least 30 minutes every summer day complaining about New Jersey drivers.

You don't understand why people would ever want to see the Amish.

The local Post Office used to be a single-family home and they close between noon and 1 for lunch.

You have ever ended a sentence with "a while".

You do not giggle when you see the following signs:

-- Lititz
-- Intercourse
-- Blue Ball
-- Bird-in-Hand
-- Mount Joy

You've heard of 7-11 but you've never seen one.

You cannot buy beer and wine from the same store.

Park City has nothing to do with skiing for you.

Agnes 1972 means something to you and you can tell stories about it.

You pronounce Lancaster in "Burt Lancaster" differently from Lancaster in "Lancaster, PA".

And you giggle at people who say "Aee-mish".

Your iced tea is sweeter than Pepsi.

You know someone who repairs gasoline-powered lawn mowers, but is forbidden to own one.

You think Fasnacht Day and Groundhog Day are national holidays.

You know that eggs come in either white or brown - and you have a preference

You think the Mississippi is just a tad wider than the Susquehanna.

You know who James Buchanan was.

You don't have to be told what Shoo Fly Pie is.

You outen the lights at the end of the day.

You go to the store when the milk is "all".

You think orange traffic cones are the natural foliage surrounding Route 30.

A "Bud" is not a beer and it's much better than those cheap knockoffs, Hershey's kisses.

The word "red" is a verb.

"Come with?" is a complete sentence.

You know what Donkey baseball is.

You know what a liquid pit is.

At times, you utter things like, "Throw over the fence some hay."

It may be raining, but the question is: "Is it makin' down?" or "Is it really makin' down?"

The verb "to be" is useless: "Does Fido need out?"

You remember when Park City Mall had a flea market in the basement. Or worse yet, a skating rink.

You know that "long johns" are something you eat, not something you wear.

You own quilts and know their names.

You know what a Turkey Hill is , and you've ditched school to hang out there.

You've corrected all the errors while watching Witness.

Rush hour is on Saturday afternoon -- in the summer.

Your wan has vindshield vipers (and so does your station vagon).

You reocognize "Twin Kiss" and "Freez and Frizz," knowing that Dairy Queen is a pale imitation.

Dutch Wonderland is neither Dutch nor much of a Wonderland.

WGAL is the source of all local celebrities and they create quite a stir when they shop in
the supermarket.

You go out of state just to drive on smooth roads.

You've ordered "dippy eggs" for breakfast.

The Green Dragon ain't no Chinese restaurant.

Bacon drippings are an ingredient for making salad dressing.

You think tourist attractions consist of a pretzel factory, a chocolate factory and an Amish family out for a drive.

You know the only way to make good fastnachts is to cook them in LARD.

You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips, pretzels, candy or ice cream or that packages turkeys, beans or bologna.

You do things "once," as in, "I'll go check in the back room once."

You can stop along the road to buy fruit, vegetables or crafts on the "honor system."

YOUR turkey has "filling," not "stuffing" and most certainly NOT "dressing."

You know that chicken corn soup from a firehouse is the most perfect food on earth.

You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling off today" and "They're calling for snow."

You've heard of distelfinks and hex signs.

You never see any Confederate flags except on the Gettysburg battlefield.

You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.

You call sloppy joes "barbecue."

You think Medium Rare equals Well Done.

When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.

Words like: gumband, buggie, hoagie, chipped beef, scrapple, actually mean something to you.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Lancaster.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

What Age Do You Act?

2005-05-18T14:25:00.000-04:00

Wow this one was right on!!!! I couldnâ€™t believe it!!!

You Are 27 Years Old

27

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

What Age Do You Act?

Your Seduction Style

2005-05-18T14:24:00.000-04:00

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.
You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.
By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.
And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

This one is right on!!!!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

What kind of English do you speak?

2005-05-18T14:23:00.000-04:00

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

25% Dixie

25% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

I am a Yankee and have lived in Texas, and it does show in my language sometimes, like with the words bad and salt. I say them very southern. This one was fun to do. I liked the questions.

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

What does your Birthdate mean about you?

2005-05-18T14:22:00.000-04:00

Your Birthdate: August 24

Born on the 24th, you have a greater capacity for responsibility and helping others than your may have realized.

You may also become the mediator and peacemaker in inharmonious situations.

Devoted to family, you tend to manage and protect.

This birth date adds to the emotional nature and perhaps to the sensitivities.

Affections are important to you; both the giving and the receiving.

This one nails me.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

My Personality Profile

2005-05-18T14:20:00.000-04:00

This one is my favorite. I am exactly like #1 and have traits from the remaining. My comments are in redâ€¦â€¦

#1
The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. True
A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways. True
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. I used to, but now I either watch TV, sleep or spend time with Dwight.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.-True

You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. My house does look like it was done by an interior designer, I take pride in my pretty house. I would never work in food service again-my dad was a chef- so I am a pretty good cook though.

#2
The Duty Fulfiller

You are responsible, reliable, and hardworking - you get the job done. True

You prefer productive hobbies, like woodworking or knitting. True

Quiet and serious, you are well prepared for whatever life hands you. True

Conservative and down-to-earth, you hardly ever do anything crazy. True

You would make a great business executive, accountant, or lawyer.
I am already the business executive-accountant type and the lawyer is what everyone tells me I should have been.

The Caregiver

You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.
Yes, but not always
A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.
I do prefer routine, but welcome change
You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.
I hate being in groups, love being alone
You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.
True

You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.
Would hate any of these jobs

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Not really
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
True
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
True
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.
Not really, I will hold them in as to protect myself and only bring them out when I feel they are being reciprocated

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.
I wouldnâ€™t mind the photography but the others I would hate.

The Artist

You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).
Actually I can do both
You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children. True
Simply put, you enjoy beauty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.
True
Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.
True

You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.
These I would enjoy

What's Your Personality Type?

Your Politicial Profile

2005-05-18T14:19:00.000-04:00

Your Political Profile

Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

I knew I was a liberal, but wasnâ€™t aware I was sooo liberal.

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

How old will you live to?

2005-05-18T14:18:00.000-04:00

You Will Die at Age 79

79

You're pretty average when it comes to how you live...

And how you'll die as well.

79 huh? Nice to know-that is if I donâ€™t get hit by a bus first.

What Age Will You Die?

What you Dreams Mean........

2005-05-18T14:17:00.000-04:00

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're very preoccupied with your fears and problems.

These bad dreams indicate that you need to spend more time on your issues during the day.

Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities.

Your dreams indicate that you have very conflicted feelings.

You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.

You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind.

This one is interestingâ€¦â€¦.

What Do Your Dreams Mean?

Are you normal?

2005-05-18T14:16:00.000-04:00

You Are 55% Normal

(Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal...

Other things you do are downright strange

You've got a little of your freak going on

But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

I donâ€™t agree with this oneâ€¦â€¦..
How Normal Are You?

Your Deadly Sins

2005-05-18T14:14:00.000-04:00

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 80%

Greed: 60%

Envy: 40%

Lust: 20%

Pride: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 34%

You will die with your hand down your underwear, watching Star Trek.

Slothâ€¦..completely disagree, I eat to live not live to eat. The whole dying with my hands down my pants thingâ€¦..yeah I can see that.

How Sinful Are You?

5/18/05

2005-05-18T14:13:00.000-04:00

Star Wars III The revenge of the Sith comes out tomorrow!!!!!!!! Canâ€™t wait!!!! I have waited so long for this movie, I canâ€™t believe this is it!!! The first one came out the year I was born.

I had my post-op appointment today. All went great. The doctor gave me a clean bill of health. He said my mammogram is at a level 4 out of 5 levels. Level 1 being normal, level 5 being cancer. He order another mammogram in a year and hopefully with some techniques, my level comes down. He said I will have to get a yearly mammogram until my level comes down to a 1 or 2. Once is does than he can use that mammogram as my Baseline and then I can get one every other year. He did mention ways that are proven to reduce my lumpiness, first is diet-no caffeine including cocoa powder-that is like asking me to give my right arm. So Iâ€™m like anything else? He said Vitamin E, well I can handle that. And then he asked if I was going to have anymore kids? So Iâ€™m like as a matter of fact no, Iâ€™ve been thinking of getting my tubes tied. He said, that basically because of my condition with my breasts, that it medically would be in my best interest to get it done, if I do not plan on having any more kids. The thing is this, all birth control really is, is hormone replacement and it is not natural and it really affects your breast if you are prone to having lumpy breasts. He said this could help a lot. He said he doesnâ€™t do it, but recommended a few really good OBGYNâ€™s. So I asked him, the normal stuff about recovery and whatnot and he told me that it is done as an outpatient procedure and recovery is fairly quick and painless and they go in thru your belly button. So by the time I left the office my mind was made up. I am definitely getting it done.

But there is a snag!!

Dwight has mentioned lately that he wants to have a daughter. Well I called him, before I even left the parking lot to tell him we needed to talk about this very seriously and make some decisions. He called back when he was on his lunch break and we talked and then he called me after work and we talked and he called after he got out the shower and we talked. Basically I wanted to get across to him, he had a decision to make. I was getting the procedure done regardless of his opinions, so he needed to figure out if we should stay together or not. I mean I donâ€™t want to stand in the way of his dreams of wanting another baby, I donâ€™t want to break up 4 years from now after investing 6 years of my life, just because I canâ€™t have kids and he wants one. He kept trying to put the decision on to me, like well then what do you want to do? I told him, look this isnâ€™t my decision, I love you with all of my heart, I know I want you, I donâ€™t want anyone else, not even for a second, I want you, but I love you so much that I want you to be happy and satisfied in your life regardless of my feelings. I donâ€™t want to stand in the way of your dreams and goals, and I donâ€™t want to be responsible for holding you back from having something that you want. So after all that, he said, well I have thought about having another kid, but never have come close to making a decision about it or wanting it for real, just thinking about it from time to time in passing. So I think I will be ok with all of it.

Whew!!!!!!

He does love me!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I doubt it because he is not always the best boyfriend, not good at all about showing his feelings, but at the end of the day, we love each other completely. Between the two of us we have 4 kids, I think that is plenty.

Anywayâ€¦â€¦..
I decided to start with my opinions/editorials I have these subjects in mind:
The Death Penalty
Abortion
Adoption when your over 18
The Pope
Not wanting any more children
Hotel Rwanda
Hating George W.
Social Security Reform
America is not as innocent as you may think
Poor/Low income Housing
Bad Drivers
Working a 8-5 job
Being a single Mom
Obligation to pay child support
Deadbeat Dads
Drinking and driving
Going to church every Sunday
Wars in the Middle East
Closing of the military bases nationwide
The bitch I work with
My moms thinking that our generation compared to her hippy generation, doesnâ€™t stand up for what we believe in. i.e.â€¦Vietnam War vs. Iraq War
Rat Race of Life
Which is worse an alcoholic or pot head?
Our states 100 million dollar surplus-What should we do with it?
Celebrity Criminals-are they getting fair treatment?
Celebrities-Americaâ€™s Royalty
Reality TV-Are you addicted?
The Davinci Code. Do you believe?
Crazy, vivid, reoccurring dreams
How to make money with your blog?
All the TV shows I watch
Movies that are good
Only in America
The Illegal Mexicans working at my job
Moving (or not) in with Dwight?
Redesigning the blog-features to add?
OCD

Please take a moment to comment with your suggestions!!!

5/17/05

2005-05-17T16:42:00.000-04:00

So it is only Tuesday, for some reason it feels like Wednesday, or maybe it is just wishful thinking. I have been surfing alot on webexplosion lately and I have found some blogs that I love. So welcome all of you from webexplosion, I have people who actually read my blog now. Not that I do it for recognition or anything, but it is nice to know I am not the only one reading it.

Well I have gotten some good ideas from these blogs I have been reading and I think, if I have time I am going to start adding some posts about subjects other than my personal stuff. Stuff like pet peeves and editorials about stuff like the death penalty, the pope etc........ I have always had a knack for writing essays very well, maybe this will be great!!

I have wanted to write a book for a long time about my experience being married to a cociaine addict and alcoholic and not knowing about it for years. Then the trials after I found out. I had no idea what to do when I found out and maybe if I wrote a book, I can help other women out there who have been through or are going through the same thing. Just a thought.

So to all of you out there any essay type topics you want to read about? Take a second to make a suggestion. The more controversial the better!!!

A pretty cool test

2005-05-16T16:27:00.000-04:00

I hate these tests on everyones bogs, but this one was actually pretty cool:
These are my results, take the test and tell me yours.

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative		75%
Romanticist		75%
Existentialist		63%
Idealist		63%
Postmodernist		63%
Materialist		44%
Modernist		25%
Fundamentalist		25%

What is Your World View?

5/16/05

2005-05-16T10:28:00.000-04:00

Well I guess I pretty much had a great weekend. Friday night I decided to stay home and not see Dwight, I was tired and had a massive headache. So I went to bed around 10:30. Early for me even for a weeknight. He was a little dissappointed, but I just reassured him that I would make time for him Saturday. We haven't been spending much time together on the weekends lately, we are just so busy. So Saturday morning was HECTIC.......Caitlyn's soccer game was at 9am and the alarm didn't go off and her x-step-dad called for her to wish her luck at 9am and we rushed out of the house and she got there about 9:30. Thank God he called. I dropped her off and headed for the dentist for Alexis's appointment. I still hadn't put on any makeup and looked like shit, after the appointment I stopped by the house and changed and put on my face and met up with Dwight, who had Caitlyn. He was at the soccer facility for Dante's game and I just had him get her from her field. Then we went straight back to the Dentist for Caitlyn's cleaning. Then we finally headed home about 12:30. Whew.......just reminising makes me stressed.

Well I made the girls lay down for a nap. I layed down and watched a few tivo shows, the girls wanted to screw around for about an hour until I reminded them that the longer they lay awake the longer it will be before they can go outside and play. Well that did the trick, they were aslepp a few minutes later. Dwight called and asked me to look after Dante, he wanted to go riding on his motorcycle. So Dante came over and I made him lay down for a nap too. That boy refused to go to sleep. He kept coming to my door and telling me one excuse after another-he was hungry-he was thirsty-he had already fell asleep and was ready to get up- well then I also had to remind him that if he didn't sleep-he wasn't going outside at all-especially after lying about going to sleep. Well that fixed him as well and he was asleep a few minutes later. They all were outside playing when the girls dad called and asked if I could drop them off for the night. So I rounded up the kids and off we went.

Well a few weeks ago I told Dante to think of something he wanted to do, when we have time to spend together, alone. I told him to let me know what he wanted to do and we will do it today, and he got excited. He decided to go bowling. So off we went.

After the first game, Dwight calls and wonders where we are at. I did try to call, but when your riding a motorcycle, it is not exactly safe to answer your cell phone, so he didn't get the call. I told him he was welcome to join us and he showed up about 20 minutes later, we used this time to get some food and finish out first game. Dwight asked since I didn't have the girls- if I wanted to to a boxing party with him tonight. I'm like sure, if you want me to go, I don't want you to invite me just because I don't have the girls. But he assured me, he wanted me to come. We bowled one more game and headed home.

We stopped by my house so I could get my matching sweater that went with my halter, I knew it would be getting chilly. I also wanted to freshen up. Then off we went.

We stopped by his house so he could freshen up and get Dante properly dressed, he was still in his soccer gear. Then off we went.

We picked up a friend and a powerball ticket and some butter and off we went.

We finally arrived at 9:30pm. An hour after the party started, but we didn't miss the main event. I get pretty shy in situations like this. Where I don't know many people. But there were 5 little kids running around and they took interest in me and helped me warm up. Then I was asked to join a "smoke" session and then I was fine. I felt completely comfortable. I sat down and wantched the fight, had some conversation and enjoyed myself. We left at about 1:30am.

So we were driving home, I dropped off his friend and I was heading to his house, whe he asked if I was spending the night. Me: Well I don't have anything I need. Him: Well then go home and get it. Me: I could but I am really tired andwhat is the point really? To go all the way home and come back just to sleep next to each other, I mean if we were going to watch a movie or have sex, then I could see the point. Him: Ok, fine, but we can watch a movie or have sex. Me: Well no we can't. I have my period, so that rules out the sex, and I'm too tired to watch a movie, I am exhausted, I want to sleep. It is almost 2am. Him: ok, fine.

I could tell he was mad at me. But it just felt pointless. So he get out the car without so much as a goodbye-the silent treatment-his favorite way of showing me he is mad at me.

He calls when I am almost home. Him: So I was just thinking. If I knew you wenen't going to be spending the night, I would have stayed at the party and gotten a ride home. I left cuz I thought we were both coming to my house. I paused, Me: I apologize. I mean my eyes are drooping just driving home, I can't imagine getting back in the car and driving back over to your place, just to sleep. I had a hectic day, jsmmed packed morning, with the kids all day, bowling with Dante and then hanging out all night. It has been a long day. Him:Well I wished you would have said something. Me: I wasn't aware it would have made a difference to your plans. I'm sorry. Him: Well maybe next time we should discuss it before hand. Me: ok, Look I'm sorry, don'
t be mad at me, I'm just tired. Then we said goodnight.

Well I slept in really late and then took a nap. At about 4pm, Dwight is knocking on my door to let him in. He has a key but the chain was on. So he tells me he was on his way to get a new tv stand and he forgot his wallet. Do I have 100.00? I'm like I have my debit card. So he is like can you get dressed and come with me, so I don't have to go all the way home? So I get dressed and we head over to the store.

After that trip I make our way back to my house. I got a call from the kids dad and they were at my house trying to drop the kids off. Now mind you I was home ALL day and they decide to show up with no warning and of course when I go out. So I tell him I will pick them up after shopping. On the way back to the house, Caitlyn calls and asks if I can pick them up later, because they are starting to cook dinner. Damn it, the grocery store was right next to the tv stand store and I couold have saved all that gas. Well snapple was on sale for 10.00 a case and the sale ends today!! I have to go back!! Dwight decides to join me, since he doesn't have any money and the sales ends today. So the sale limits to 1 case per visit, so we make 2 trips in and out of the store. And now I go get the girls. Dwight asks me to come over for dinner. For steak and corn on the cob. He bought the steak, I bought the corn. He gotr the good steak too-8.99 a pound- it was so good-so tender!!! So he hung out, had some sex and ate and I went home and had to do Lexy's hair because her father took out her braids-

OMG- I could kill him. When I went to pick them up, I saaw her hair and told him: I'm going to say this in the nicest possible way. Please do not touch her hair if it is not going to get sone right. I now am going to have to spend 2-3 hours tonight doing her hair for school. Him: ok.

I swear if she ever comes home like that again, he will be paying to take her to a solon to get he hair redone. I can't believe her hair, I was embarrassing to know my child was in public like that.

Well I went home and watched SURVIROR!!!!!!! It was the finale and I didn't even know it. It usually come on, on Thursdays. If it wasnt for tivo-I would have missed it !!! So it was a 2 hours finale and a 1 hours reunion and I had to watch all of it. I didn't get to bed till about 12:30. I missed The Contender, I started watching it at Dwight house, but had to leave to get the girls home for bed and I went to turn it on via tivo and it wasn't there!!!! I was freaking out. Tivo only records 2 shows at a time. It was taping Survivir and Extreme Home Makeover. Damn-so I was told by Dwight that I missed the best fight of the season. And the Manfredo won, Damn it!!!! I wanted Gomez to win. Well it was the first show I missed all season and it had to be the best one. I could smack myself for not turning on the tv when I came home and instead started straightening the house and putting away the groceries. I could have at least caught the fight.

Anyway, Survivor was great. It wasn't my best case scenerio for an outcome, but definately not disappointing. I wish Steph would have won and behind her I wanted Ian to win. Ian came very close and I would have never had made an assanine move like he did. He got nothing in return-NOTHING!!! I could smack him. I think he was in love with Katie and that was his sole motivation for his actions!!!! Oh well way to go Tom-he was the strogest-was a little slimey-but that us the game-I thought he played well and was definaately was the strongest physically-did you see him catch that shark??

Well that catches us up on the weekend. Will scour the paper for some interesting topics to write about.

For Now.........

Friday the 13th

2005-05-13T07:53:00.000-04:00

I hate this day, it has always brought me bad luck since I was a kid.

Anyway, nothing new, by the way yes, all Dwight wanted was sex. He says it wasn't the only reason but it didn't take long for him to get into my pants and I told him "I knew there was a reason you wanted to come over, it wasn't to spend time with me, it was for sex" He was like well who else am I going to have sex with, so I'm like well it's not that I mind, don't get me wrong, it's just I thought you actually wanted to see ME not my ass. So he was like, I was fine till we laid down in bed (I treat my bedroom like my living room, I always watch tv here and NEVER in the living room, the living room is more for the kids and guests). I'm like PLEASE!!! But it is all good, but when I'm right, I'm right.

So I went to see him last night to give him a check for the t-mobile bill he paid. And he wants more, the things is he has a roomate and he was home last night. His roomates room is 10 feet from Dwights room and he knows I hate doing anything with him there. So he got pleasured instead, which seemes to always be just as good. So he was pretty happy afterward. All smiles. I love making him happy, I love to see that smile on his face and I know I put it there.

Enough about the explicit stuff.........lets catch up on tv
American Idol: Anthony Federov went home-the right pick. Yes they are all really good at this point but it was definately his time. He will make it though. I really want Carrie and Vonzell in the final 2 but something tells me it will be Bo and Carrie by the audience reaction.

Americas Next Top Model: I still can't believe that Britney went home, I thought for sure it was Keenyah and her tummy and eating habit, she still hasn't curbed. But Britney got on my nerves too, so oh well. I want Naima to win, I love her, she is confident, classy, poised, tactful, sweet, determinede, passionate, driven and so much more. Kayleen just lacks the confidence, but otherwise is great too so IF she won, it would be ok, I know that Naiema and Kayleen will get work even if they loose. Now Keenyah does not deserve to win, I hate her attitude-did you see her last shoot how she stopped the whole thing? Every other girls was getting fondeled and they got thru it and embraced it, as part of the photo, part of the shoot, but not Keenyah. She just gets on my nerves. Her "Bad" shot-belly disaster proves she doesn't deserve it. Please don't let her win.

Survivor: So they sent Caryn home, good because she sucked!!!!! She stayed on way to long. Physically she is like a child, she is never even close to her competion, and mentally she was being strung along by eveyone and believed everything, she was so nieve, And a backstabber. I can't believe what she did at Tribal Council. She told the truth, but stretched it, and then lied when they brought up her dirt. For this one, I was Ian to win. I can never predict this winner like the other shows, because it is never your favorite. I wanted Steph to take it home, but they knew she was awesome and voted her off. So who knows, but I love watching the backstabbing.

The Apprentice:YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH KKKEEENNNDDDRRRAAAHHH. Kendrah blew Tana out of the water. Tana's challenge was a disaster. Yeah her team sucked but it was horrible. I wouldn't have been sleeping, I would have been working all night to make up for my shitty team!!! But we already know that isn't Tana. I knew Kendra was going to do great, everyone loved it and everyone was happy, especially the people who get to Donald Trump about it-her employees and sponsors. Way to go Kendra. I really want her to win. Did you see her poise and leadership skills and gracefulness under pressure, she did amazing. Tana on the other hand had a very foul mouth, took full credit for it going well (which it didn't) and gave blame for eveything that went bad. I just couldn't believe that fake smile and fake voice everytime she was under pressure, and then one time, she tells the sponsor she wanted to punch out Chris and shakes her fist, wow, how unprofessional!!! I think that was the main difference between Kendra and Tana. Kendra was top notch professional and Tana was not!! Go Kendra!!!

I think that catches up the reality TV. I am such a sucker.

So what the hell is up with the Capitol being evacuated??? That was some shit right there. The worst part is the pilots were from Lancaster, PA-where I am from. We have a small airfield in Smoketown. Nothing big just puddle jumpers-Like 2, 4 or 6 seaters. I saw the plane and was like, Yep a puddle jumper. I wonder what is going to happen to the pilots. I was trippin' when they said the pilots were from Lancaster.

Macauly Caukin being on the stand at Michael Jacksons trial: I am still convinced of his guilt. And as a matter of fact I am not all together sure of Caukin's truthfulness. As I stated before, will he want to ruin his reputaion as well, he would be forever known as the boy Michael Jackson molested. Unlike the accuser, his identity can't be hidden. We will see...

More entertainement news: Renee Zellwiger got married to some country music star last name Cheney I think. They have only been dating 4 months-what the hell is she thinking? I've been married-and only after a year of dating-I now know you should give it 5 years to truly know someone.
Seal and Heidi Klum got married, she is pregnant, she announced it in March. They have been dating over a year, so this one isn't so bad, but they should have gotten married first.

Jennifer Garner is pregnat and engaged-susposedly. Not confirmed yet. Again, should have gotten married first before the baby. But they have not been dating very long either. Longer than 4 months though.

Britney Spear's new show comes out next week on UPN, I have it Tivo's and will update you after I watch it.

I still can't believe Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are dating-That is so weird, seems like an odd couple. I guess the age, maybe it looks weird for her to be taller than him. Just the whole thing is weird.

See you next time........

5/11/05

2005-05-11T08:22:00.000-04:00

So I watched American Idol and The Amazing Race last night.

I was so excited for the amazing race. It was the season finale. I wanted Rob and Amber to win, and they were so close. I was sure they would win when they got on that flight that was 4 hours ahead of everyone else. But Uchenna and Joyce convinced the crew to allow them on when the plane doors were already closed, such a jip!!! I like Rob and Amber because they were the best racers I have ever seen. They got along so well and were always nice to strangers. Yes, they were not always nice to the other teams, but they were the enemy, I wouldn't be nice either-Share a Cab? YEAH RIGHT!!! They were never disrespectful, just coniving to get ahead. But Uchenna and Joyce were my second pick, they pulled a rabbit out of their hat in this finale, and the second half of the race. I mean they were always mediocre, but stepped it up in the end. I am glad to see them win the money and make a baby with it. They were good people. I sure as hell didn't want Ron and Kelly to win. She was such a bitch. Oh she irritated me.

American Idol was good, still loving Carrie, no matter what the judges say her second song was good. Anthony Federov pulled a rabbit out of his hat, he was really good. Vonzell has been on FIRE, why was she crying? I'm thinking something personal-maybe bad news about a loved one. I felt horrible when she was crying. Both songs-HOT!! Bo's first song sucked but his second song was amazing. So I have no idea who will be voted off.

5/10/05

2005-05-10T16:26:00.000-04:00

Well hello,

So lets see what has been happening. Dwight and I spoke yesterday and I told him how I felt about his selfishness and being an ass on Mothers Day. The deal was this. I had planned to go to my mothers and he was planning to go motorcyle riding. I told him I would stop over for awhile before he and I left, so we could spend a little time together, since we didn't see each other on Saturday. I got up at 8:30 and laid back down around 10:30. He called shortly after I fell asleep. He said Happy Mothers Day and told me to call when I got up. So I got up and got ready and left to go to my mom's. I called as I was leaving my parking lot, to see if he was still home and if I could still see him. So he is like "don't bother, you couldn't think of me earlier, so forget it" And I'm like OMG stop being a child. And he hangs up on me (of course) So I call back and tell him not to hang up on me. And that this is MY day and he is not ruining it. And he all pissy about me not calling him and I won't be getting my gift. So I'm like, I wasn't coming over for a gift, I was coming over to see you, since you never make time for me or make an effort to see me. And at that point I had tears welting in my eyes and screamed to him that he wasn't making me cry on Mothers day and hung up on him!!!

Well I have a rule with him, that he knows how extremely worried I get when he is out riding, I know how fast he goes and he like to do tricks, so he must call me as soon as he gets home, so that I know he is still alive. Well he doesn't call Sunday night. I was planning on going over there since I didn't get to see him in the morning, but he never called.

So I call him on Monday and he answers and I'm like Oh your alive? So he is like yes, if you would have called you would have known. So we are basically arguing that he ruined my mothers day with his self rightous selfish attitude and Mothers day was my day, not a day to bend over backwards for him and think of him every second, to once think of my self and I wanted to lay back down before going to my mom's house, so what? Apparently he took that as an insult because he was planning to come over to my house and give me a gift and I had ruined it. Then I'm like, well if you would had said you wanted to come over when you called at 11:00 I would have gotten up, but you didn't. Once again, another argument that could have been prevented by proper communication.

So he calls today while I am at work and we talk about other stuff going on with his son and he tells me that he is coming over tonight to my house. And I'm like what's the occassion? Why? And he was like what do you mean? You don't want me to come? I'm like well I was going to call you to see what your plans were tonight, actually, it is just that you never come over without a reason,I can't remember the last time you actually called me out of the blue and told me you were coming over-especially in the begining of the week. So he asks if I want to some over or he come to my house. And after discussion, he decided to come over to my house. I bet this has something to do with sex. I am on my period, so he won't be to happy. But I guarantee this has to do with sex and not spending time with me. I'll let you know tomorrow.

Nothing else is going on. I still have to write about my brother giving his baby up for adoption and the Bitch at my job. But those are lenghty posts, so I think I will write them when I have lots of time.

As for current events, Jennifer and Ben are having a baby!! Well that is good. Everyone is having a baby, while I feel like I am the only one who wants to NEVER have another one. I am seriously want to get my tubes tied. I want to talk to the OBGYN and see what the recovery time is and hopefully I can get the time off of work. I am really ready to do it.

Michael Jackson- I don't care if the whole world comes to defend him. Just because some boys were not victims doesn't mean he didn't do it. He isn't going to make every boy a victim. Not all a good targets. And it also doesn't mean that they will lye. I mean these celebrities don't want to ruin their reputation. All I know is that is just not enough to convince me!!

That's all the time I have for now.

5/9/05

2005-05-09T08:31:00.000-04:00

Mothers Day was a wash. I got nothing, not that I expected anything, or need anything, but usually my mom at least gets me a card and the girls usually make something in school. Dwight got me a flower last year. Oh well. I spent the whole day up at my mom's and didn't have much time to spend the day the way I wanted. I got up at 8:30, played on the computer for a little while, fixed myself some breakfast in bed, and fell back asleep around 10:30. I got back up at 12:30. Got ready to go to my mom's and ended up there around 2:30 and got back home at about 7:30pm. I ate my Mcdonalds and sat down for a night of tv. I told the kids to straightened up the house and my Mothers Day request and then head to bed. There wasn't much to do, straighten up there Mcdonalds mess on the dining room table, clean up there shoes and coats by the door, and clean up their nintendo mess in the living room. And straighten up the counter in the kitchen. Most of it was done, but not properly and I had to do the kitchen myself. Not to mention their bathroom and bedroom is always a mess.

I admit I am a freak when it comes to my place being clean and everything being in its place and I hate when stuff is not put away and I hate messes. But they are slobs, they never pick up after themselves unless I tell them. I feel I shouldn't have to tell them to put the cereal and milk away, ot to clear their plate from the table, etc........ oh my Gosh it irks me!!

Well Dwight is officially an asshole. I'll write about it later. Got to get to work right now...

2005-05-09T08:22:00.001-04:00

This is me and Dwight together at his best friends house.

2005-05-09T08:22:00.000-04:00

This is me and Dwight together at his house.

2005-05-09T08:19:00.000-04:00

This is Dwight, my love!!

2005-05-09T08:18:00.000-04:00

This is Dante. Dwight's son. He is 5 years old.

2005-05-09T08:17:00.001-04:00

This is my Dad. I have no idea what he was doing?????

2005-05-09T08:17:00.000-04:00

This is Caitlyn, my oldest daughter, she is 9 years old.

2005-05-09T08:16:00.000-04:00

This is Lexy, my daughter, she is 6 years old.

5/6/05

2005-05-06T11:13:00.000-04:00

A pretty lifeless day.

I am pretty sure I have insomnia. I was soing some searching yesterday on webmd.com and I took this survey to determine if I do and it seems as if I do. My symptoms:
takes me a long time to fall asleep-usualy between 1/2 hour to 2 hours.
wake up frequently through the night-from 3-10 times in one night.
feel tired in the day even after 8 hours of rest.
I also was on the website to check on the cause of these extremely vivid dreams I always have. I mean I remember every detail and every emotion. I wake terrified, afraid to go back to sleep. Or so sad, I want to cry, etc....
My sleep patterns feel like they revolve around these dreams. I feel like I fall asleep to immediately start dreaming, then as soon as the dream is over I wake up. The length of the dream depends on how long of a stretch of sleep I get.
I just want to have a nice peaceful nights rest. I've been taking tylenol pm to help me fall asleep and stay asleep. but it never fails I wake up at 4am every morning. It is so frustrating. I am going to go to the doctor and see if she can give me something to help. They had this drug on the website that was called luna, or something like that, and it is non habit forming, so I think I want to try it out and get my body back to normal, but I can't remember what normal is, this has been going on for as long as I can remember.
Dwight thinks I am overacting, and being dramatic, but he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Yes, he wakes at night like I do, but not because of dreams, and he can get right back to sleep.
So anyway, I tried staying up late last night to see if that would help me stay asleep. I took some tylenol pm about an hour before turning off the tv, it worked because I fell asleep right away, and only woke once at 4am as always. And I was so groggy I smoked a cig and fell right back asleep. And the alarm clock went off and I didn't want to get up. See that is the down side of medication. I have a hard time getting up in the morning anyway, let alone having a drug in me that makes it even more hard.

Well we went to the Blue Rocks game last night!!! Good times. Caitlyn was loud and abnoxious, she pissed me off, but overall it was a good night. We left about half way through, it was a school night. I kept it a surprise until we got to the stadium. It was funny, on the way there Lexy says "Mom, when are we going to go to a Blue Rocks game?" So, I'm like,I don't know. And we get there and they are screaming in the car and freaking out and are so excited, but seemed pretty bored once we got to out seats. They kept buggin' me about food and ice cream.

Well this is Mothers Day weekend, Happy Mother's Day to my Mom, and to Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to get up early tomorrow, for Caitlyn's soccer game and dentist appointment, she is getting seals on her molars. I hope to be home before noon. Then no other concrete plans. Then Sunday I plan to visit my mom briefly in Lancaster. I don't want to be up there all day, but I must make the trip. Dwight is going motorcyle riding on Sunday so I won't be seeing him. Tonight is up to Dwight, if he visits with his cousins, I am staying home. If he doesn't, I will probably go over there for awhile.

We really don't spend enought time together, we see each other once in the week and usually once or twice on the weekend, and sometimes not at all, depending on what is going on. We used to see each other everyday, and now it is completely the opposite, it sucks, I miss having sex with him everyday. Now it is like once a week, if that. I get so horney in between.

So tv last night:
After I got home and did the whole homework thing, it was past 9pm. So of course, I watched my soaps, then I had to watch Survivor. I was so happy Gregg went home, and to see the look on his and Jen's faces was priceless. That was absolutely amazing!!! And absolutely the right thing to do, he was getting too big for his britches. I was so happy at the end of the show!!!

Ok so then I watched the Apprentice, another good show with another dead on decision. I hated Craig and he definately shouldn't have been in the final 2. He was so abrasive and hated taking direction from others especially a women. I hated the way he treated Kendra. He always treated her like she was beneth him and her opinions and views never mattered. She was the only one that challenged him, so they were never going to get along. She however tried to talk about the problem numerous times and everytime she did, he was ever more degrading and got even nastier. She never lost her class or tact, I think she definatley deserves to be in the final 2. I think she should win the whole thing. She had to put up with much more obstacles than Tana. Look at the car advertising project. She ended up doing the whole thing by herself and Tana went home to get rest because she wasn't in danger of getting fired if they failed, so she wasn't a team player, when she went home she basically said FUCK the team, and when Craig went with her he said FUCK Kendra. Kendra stayed up all night and her campaign was so good they are using it for real!!! That is a huge accomplishment for a project done completely on your own, and the next day when they won, Craig and Tana tried to take credit like it was a group effort, and Kendra kept her mouth shut!! She has had many more obstacles to face than Tana and has proven herself as a winner. All the Ceo's agree.

Lastly I watched America's Next Top Model. Yes, you are seeing a theme here, I like reality shows, actually love them and prefer them. And particularity like the ones where there is a handsome reward and people are getting voted or thrown off each week. Well there isn't much to say about this one. The girls I dislike are Keenya and Brittany. I think Keenya needed to go home, she is gainng weight and keeps eating everything in sight, and doesn't look good-it completely affected he last 2 shoots, and she was self concious at the Go See's, and Brittany takes awesome pictures but I'm not exactly fond of her personality, she is too much for me. I like the other girls but I think my favorite personality and picture wise is Naima. Kahlen is good, nice personality and good pictures, but a little to plain and ordinary. Naima has the edgeness and a beautiful face and great walk and I absolutely love her drive, passion and personality. She is my fav. So I hope Keenya goes home next week, and I hope it comes down to Naima and Kahlen. Those 2 deserve to have the title and will not desicrate the title. Brittany is so unprofessional, did you see her at the party at the designers house, oh my God, she was like a party girl on spring break, not at all professional, and Kennya, was was nasty on the Go See challenge and I don't like how lightly she takes the weight thing. I mean it sucks, but it is reality that you must be stick thin to be a model and she almost got sent home last week and she is still eating everything in sight, so how much is she going to gain, when this is all over and she doesn't have all the cameras and other women around her, she won't have anything holding her back.

Anyways, it is time for lunch so I'm going to get going for now.

5/5/05

2005-05-05T16:45:00.000-04:00

I'm going to the Blue Rocks game tonight!!!!

Dwight called and said he had 2 tickets to the Blue Rocks game but if I wanted to go we needed 5. So, he told me to call to see if there was another ticket available near the tickets seats. They said no, but we could bring the 4 tickets to the window and trade them in for 5 other seats that are together. Cool!!!!

The kids loved when we went last time. I hope we have fun. We got to stop at the house, and go all the way back up to wilmington. Hope we have fun!!!

5/5/05

2005-05-05T10:35:00.000-04:00

Well I am cancer free!!! The doctor called today and everything came back benign!!! Praise the Lord!!!

Not much new, my cell phone got cut off yesterday!!! Such bullshit!! Here's what happened. I ordered 2 new phones last month and when I did they said I can get the instant rebate making them free IF I sign a new 1 year contract. So I'm like ok. Well they charged me for the phones. 439.98. This was on my bill in addition to my monthly charges which were 119.83. I paid the 119.83 on time, as always, and wrote a dispute letter explaining the misbill of the phones. I figured everything would be taken care of. Well apparently they denied my dispute and turned off my phones. So I could make any calls, but I could receive them. Well Dwight is on my account and he calls from home, which I knew was weird because it is free to call from his cell phone and costs me minutes to call from his home phone. So he tells me his phone is cut off and I immediatley call T-mobile. They said they received the letter disputing the charges and the dispute was denied and the only way to restore the phones is to pay the bill. I was on the phone with them for 20 minutes pleading my case and still nothing. So I called Dwight from a pay phone and explained the situation and told him I would pay it on Friday and will just pay rent late. He didn't accept their solution and called them himself. They told him the same thing, for one exception. They offered him free six months of service if he paid the bill. Which equals out to 419.94, almost even. So he accepted the deal and paid the bill and now I owe him the money. I am still furious at the situation. I mean we are talking fraud!!!! You can't tell someone that something is free and then charge them 440.00 and then refuse to remove the charges when they are erronous. I was so pissed last night!!!!!!!

Well that is about it for the drama of the evening. I watched my soaps, American Idol, I was half way thru lost when Dwight called and interruppted me and made me turn on the American Idol Special Expose. We talked for a long time. It was 11:30 when we finally got off the phone and then I had to watch the second half of Lost.
American Idol: I still think Anthony should have went home but Scott's attitude sent him home. He was way too cocky. But I like him, I like his high tenor tone.
American Idol Expose: I completely believe the allegations. I completely believe that he was kicked off the show when Paula realized she should cool things off and that what she was doing was inappropriate. I think the producers found out and put an end to eveything. He has a right to be jaded, he cared for her and once their affair was found it, she dropped him hard. Scandalous!!!!
Lost: I absolutely love this show!!!!!! Don't know all the secrets and I hate to speculate, but I love the suspense and drama and can't wait to watch next week. The only thing I hate is all the damn reruns. I know it is a new show and they are trying to stretch it till May sweeps, so I'll let them slide this season, but this better not happen next season.

So tonight is survivort and the apprentice. Not to mention the mounds of shows that are piling up in my tivo data bank. Supernanny, Blind Justice, Law and Order, Medium and so many more.....weekend tv!!!

Well anyway, I think that catches us up.

As for news.....

I saw in the paper today a scetch of a man that may be connected tho the murder of the young lady at the Towne Court Apartments. I hope he is caught or someone is!!! I read the owner of the apartments is offering a ten thousand dolaar reward. I applaud him. Many apartment owners are in it for themoney and they could care less about their tenants. I rent, I know!!! Well hats off to you, for stepping up!!!

I think that was the only thing that struck me in the paper today. Have a good one.

5/4/05 I'm back for more.

2005-05-04T15:58:00.000-04:00

So I had more time, so I will write more.

No bosses at work today, so this afternoon is pretty much a wash. We are here, but noone is really working hard.

So Let me get to my points of interest as stated below that got lostwhen I tried to publish my last post.

Michael Jackson:

This man is a freak and obvisiously pretty weird. He is guilty as sin. I mean I gave him the benefit of the doubt the first time around in 91' but this time, I can't support him. He is a freak. I was talking to some peole about it and I was thinking, you know it is like he is still a child. I cannot imagine him in a grown up situation. I just can't imagine it, he is so lost as an adult. I don't think he can imagine it either. I mean, when I watched the documentary and forthcoming specials they threw up red flags for me, he admits to sharing his bed with strange boys and he holding hands with them in the footage. I was freaked out. I can't imagine being a parent of a child involved and watching this thing on TV. I was reading an article the other day and it mentioned this world renowned psychic, his name escapes me at the moment, and he predicts Michael will be named Not Guilty. I hope not, but if OJ can get off, so can Michael. I hope he goes away for 20 years and gets some serious help, and he never gets custody of his children. Who knows what kind of damage he has done already.

Lexy is at the Philadelphia zoo today, I hope she has fun, I've always wanted to go, I wish I could had chaperoned her but I couldn't afford any more time off of work.

Caitlyn goes to the Wilmington Flower Market tomorrow, I want her to get me the WSTW Choice Word. Lets see if she delivers.

I am broke to say the least, after my car accident, I have been broke. I need to stack some cream, I hate not having at least a thousand dollars in the bank. I have to keep reminding myself, not to spend for like the next 2 months, but that is going to be hard to do since I want summer clothes. The girls summer wardrobe is done. I spent way to much, stuff for home and dad's house. Rent is due tomorrow, so I will have no money until next Friday, which will be tight again, I have a lot of bills to pay, then the following week is the car payment. Like I said broke and no spending for like 2 months.

Oh yeah, I also found a web site that states that I am allowed to take the advanced driving course now, so I'm going to take it online for like 35.00 It is easier for me to do it online. I will get 15% off instead of 10%, and another 3 point credit, for a total of 6 points.

My boss called me into his office today, I thought I was in trouble, but he just wanted to check on me to see how everything was, and how everything is going, and if I have any results yet. But I don't so....he also did me a favor by not docking my pay, considering I have taken more time than I have accrued, so I just have to get caught up, which I assured him, will not be a problem.

Well I forgot to write about Dwight catching me smoking, and I have never mentioned I did smoke and why would he be Catching me? I'll explain:
I quit smoking 11/17/03 about 2 weeks after we met, he was a big motivating inspiration, but never asked me to. I quit until my best friend died. The day of her funeral I picked up cigarette and have been smoking since. I kept it from him, until I was caught. He was totally upset with me feeling like he ws betrayed by me for keeping it from him, and he was right. I felt horrible. I tried to quit about 2 months ago, I quit for a couple of days and went back. During this 4 day period, Dwight was under the assumption I quit for good, and I never told him otherwise. He walked in on me smoking when stopped by to check on me last weekend unannounced. I was so ashamed i couldn't look or talk to him, but he stayed and said nothing. He saw me crying and must of realized the pressure he puts on me, so he has left the topic alone.

So that is the story........I guess, for me it feels like I have to be perfect for him. Like I can not be broke, or smoke or do anything that would make him look down on me. Sometimes it sucks because I'm not perfect and things do go wrong in my life, and I would like to go to him for support but I feel like I can't, because I don't want him to be disappointed. Maybe I put the pressure on myself, or maybe it is the way he makes me feel, with his job of 8 years, and new 200,000 dollar house and his ability to go buy a 5,000 dolar motorcycle with cash. Sometimes I feel like I struggle to keep up. Maybe sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for him. Like my life isn't quite where his is and he could find someone more successful. I mean I make the same amount as him, but I have 2 kids to support, not one. And I do spend more than him on a monthly basis, he is very frugal with his money, but I like to enjoy life. I guess a lot of it is feelings I put on myself, but some comes from his critical eye and the way he makes me feel.

5/4/05

2005-05-04T11:10:00.000-04:00

Not much new today.

I am a bit freaked out by this murder at Towne Court Apartments. The UD College student was strangled and her apartment was set on fire. It happened about 1am on Saturday night. They have no leads and no one saw anything suspicious, and this is Delaware, not CSI or Cold Case. They are trying to link this with other attacks and break ins in the area. I live in an apartment complex and this freaks me out, I'm glad I do not live in Newark, but it still is scary to have such a random, senseless act, occur 5 miles away. What is worse is the person hasn't been caught, that has everyone on edge. God bless her family and friends who now have to deal with her tragic death.

As for my life, nothing new, a laid back night, (Tivo) I always watch my soaps, Days and Passions, usually have time for a rerun of the King of Queens, and I watched American Idol as always and I still think Anthony Federov needs to go home, don't get me wrong, he is GREAT, but he needs to go next. Then I watched The Amazing Race, aaaawwwww, Meridith and Gretchen were in Last place and eliminated. They were AMAZING, hence the title. But my favorites, Rob and Amber came in first. They know how to play the game so well!!! So they step on toes and piss people off, so what, It's 1 Million dollars, I'll piss anyone off for a million dollars. So next week is the season finale and one of the last 3 teams are taking the million dollar prize. Even if Rob and Amber don't win, they have won ssssoooooooo many prizes. They are going to travel a lot, as well as Kelly and her POW man won 25,000 in travel money. So at least they are not going home empty handed. Uchenna and Joyce, may be, they haven't won any prizes to my knowledge and she shaved her head, so if they don't win, they go home with less then they came with, bummer!!!! I'm rooting for Rob and Amber. Then I watched Gilmore Girls. I love Tivo. No commercials make an hour show 40 minutes and a half hour show 20 minutes, and otherwise, I wouldn't be able to fit everything in but since I NEVER watch commercials anymore, I can usually fit one or 2 more shows in while shows are being recorded all evening. I actually don't miss anything anymore. I always catch every show of every series I am recording. It is great. If you don't have it yet, go get it!!!!! It is one of those inventions like caller id, call waiting, or cell phone, where you can't remember life without it and can't imagine life with it. It's a whole new era of television watching.

So this is the second time posting this and the first time I lost half of my post and I really don't feel like typing it again. But in case I come back, my topics were:
Michael Jackson trial, Elvis hoopla, Lexy Philadelphia Zoo, Caitlyn Wilmington Flower Market tomorrow.

I wish there was a way to save the post before clicking the orange publish botton.

5/3/05

2005-05-03T11:25:00.000-04:00

Well I am back at work.

I had my surgery Friday, The biospy went well. I showed up at 12:00 as my appointment stated and I went back and changed and the nurse did an ultrasound to know exactly where the lumps were and then we waited for my doctor, and we waited and waited. Then finally the nurse came in to tell me the doctor would not be in, in time to do the biospy before there next scheduled appointment. So she asked if I could wait until 2:30 or reschedule. I was like, I took off of work for this, I cannot reschedule. I will go get some lunch and come back. Luckily he was there when I returned. Everything went fine. I only have 2 stiches on one breast. Even 4 days later I am still sore. It hurts when I walk and when I use the same arm as the breast with stiches. I had a little bruising and lots of swelling. Thank God for Dwight. He brought me food and stopped by to check on me a few other times. I was ok Friday, sore but ok, Saturday was a fog, basically I slept all day and Sunday the girls got home around 4:00, So I was alert again. I got up to take the girls to school on Monday, but was still pretty sore, so I came back home and went back to bed.

So, today is my first day back. It hurts everytime I walk. I just hold my boobs when I walk, luckily I work at a very small company and the people around me are all women, so they don't care.

Well there are a lot of stories to catch you up on, but I don't know if I have to time to type it all.

There's the whole Caitlyn's Dad thing. The whole Alexis's Dad thing. The whole Dwight catching me smoking thing.

First Caitlyn's Dad, he provides her medical insurance per his child support order-which isn't enough, a measly 37.00 per week, because he lied about his income. Well around Christmas time, he decided, with some persuasion, to voluntarily up his child support 5.00 per week. And he called Thursday and told me he wants to up it again 10.00 per week. So we are up to 52.00 per week. I will be happy when it gets to 75.00 per week. So anyway, he calls about that and about this orthodontist treatment she needs, that his insurance covers 100% up to 2,000.00 and the treatment is going to cost 1520.00 so I figured all was well. Well apparentl not, he calls and is like well since she is going to need braces in 5 years, then lets just use 1/2 of her insurance now and half for her braces. They want 385.00 up front which he voluntered to pay and I would pay 160.00 per month. And he would reimburse me when his insurance company reimburses him. I was like NO WAY!! She has insurance, I am not paying anything for her treatment. I can put away 15.00 per week in a savings account and in 5 years the savings account will have enough to pay for her braces. I'm not holding back on her insurance today for something that might happen 5 years from now. That is stupid. Not to mention 160.00 a month is ridiculous!!!! You pay the 160.00. So he gave in, and agreeded that putting the money away in a savings account will work well. So crisis averted, and child support is going up 10.00 per week. Every little bit helps.

Alexis's Dad. Well I could have just smacked him. I dropped off the girls on Thursday night. He doesn't have a car, so there was no way for him to pick the girls up from school on Friday, so they went over on Thursday. He calls thursday and tells me he will not be home until after 9pm, and I can drop them off then. Mind you this is an hour past there bedtime, and they won't be going to bed the minute they walk in the door. So I knew this was a bad idea, and he never thinks of anyone but himself. So they get dropped off and they are dead tired. Practically falling asleep on the 10 minute drive over there. I drop them off and head over to Dwights house. I figure we could spend some time together before heading into surgery and being laid up for 4 days. So, I'm at Dwights watching tv and I get a phone call. I answer and it is Randy-Lexy's Dad. He is in a panic. Yelling and hollerng about Lexy needing her medicine and why didn't I bring it. I try to tell him she doesn't need her medicine, I already explained to her she didn't need her medicine. He accepts this answer and hangs up. He calls back about 2 minutes later. In more of a panic and much louder and nasty tone. He is screaming at me that Alexis needs her medicine. And again I tell him, no she doesn't. She hasn't needed it, should need it and she is tired, send her to bed. Apparently she is crying and having a fir and keeps crying for her medicine. He says I must meet him somewhere to get the medicine. I'm like no, I'm not coming, she doesn't need it. It's been a week. She isn't suspose to be taking it anymore. He yells something about them not having any dinner and all they have in there belly is cereal. And hangs up on me. So I thought this was the end of it. His mother calls 5 minutes later. She is like, Alexis is crying and she says she needs her medicine. So finally someone wh will listen to me, I explain why she no longer needs her medicine and that is tired and needs to go to bed and how they did have dinner. She listens and says Whay should I do? I was kinda applaed at the question. You don't know what to do? You have to call me to find out what to do? If you want to give in to her, then give her tylenol and send her to bed. But for the record, she knows better then to act like that in my house, because I do not give in to her tired tirads. And no more phone calls. Lexy called me the next day to see how I was doing and I ripped into her about the crying fit and the lie about not having any dinner, I made Randy get on the phone and let him know I deserved an apology about the dinner comment and he needed to stop putting up with her tantrums or she will continue to do it, she doesn't do it with me, she knows better, I will beat her ass. So he apologized and I didn't her from them again until it was time to come home.

4/28/05

2005-04-28T11:10:00.000-04:00

Today is my Dad's Birthday!!! Happy Birthday Daddy!!!! I Love you!!!

Well the drama ensues.........

So if your keeping up you know about my driving class last night that Caitlyn had to come with me to. Well we got there and the guy at the desk is like, May I help you, and I'm like, yes I am here for the driving class and he looks at my daughter and says, well we have a problem. I'm like all shit, my sitter fell thru. He is like well if I bend the rules for you I have to bend them for everyone. I'm like damn, and he says, Well I don't want you to miss the class so have her sit in the back corner over there, and points. I was like oh my Gosh, thanks so much. I promised she would be good, and I had a DVD player for her. So I got my class done!!! I just called the insurance company and they gave me a 130.00 discount for 6 months. Yeah!!!! The class cost only 30.00 and the discount is good for 3 years, at which time you either take the basic again to keep the certificate or take the advanced class and get another 5% discount. I'm taking the advanced class!!! After class I am getting Caitlyn ready and the guy comes over to me and asks if it was ok for him to give her some soda and snack!! Can you believe that!! That was so incrediablely nice of him!!!!!

So I then went to Alexis' Dad's house and picked her up. Today is her first day back to school. She is doing good. Well I'm trying to get her out the door with *KEY* everything that she came with. This is a constant struggle for us. I bought the girls 200.00 worth of clothes, shoes, underwear, dresses and whatnot, so they can keep clothes there and he stops stealing all of there very expensive clothes. You ask, why didn't he buy the clothes? He is a bum. He isn't working a real job, doesn't pay child support, and doesn't support them in any way, except for them visting him and him taking them when I need him to. So in order for me to keep the expensive stuff at home, I bought them some cheap outfits from Kmart to take over to his house. So anyway, the point is, she went over in a 100.00 outfit, and I wasn't leaving until I had it in my hands. And she had to get her bookbag and medicine. I was there for like 15 minuites waiting for all of this.

So I finally got home it was like 9:30. They went straight to bed, and I sat down to watch tv, once I opened the mail and unpacked the bags. I decided to call Dwight to let him know how pissed I was he put me in the situation with the driving class.

So I called around 10:30. Me: So I just wanted to thank-you. Him: for what? Me: For making me miss my driving class tonight and wasting 30.00 and wasting 3 hours of my time on Monday. Him: Oh, I forgot. Me: I told you 2 months ago about it and reminded you like 20 times in the last week about it. Him: well I forgot, if you would have shut up and listened to me last night, you would have had the chance to remind me last night, or you could have called me today to remind me. If that doesn't seem like he was trying to start an argument then I don't know what does. Me: Oh, ok, I didn't listen last night? Him: No, and why didn't you call to remind me today. Me: I figured you knew since I reminded you twenty times in the last week. Him: I remember now that you mentioned it, but I forgot. Why didn't you just bring her over or to her Dad's house? Me: Well, I didn't even know she wasn't picked up, I was only at the school for a parent teacher conference and she was still in the after care program, I didn't have enought time to get her all the way to one of your houses and be on time for the class. At this point he didn't respond. I was sorting of waiting for an apology, but of course I never got one. A simple, I'm sorry I forgot, but no..... Me: Well you don't need to be at my surgery on Friday. Him: He is like ok. Why not? Me: I don't need someone there that hates me. I'd rather be alone. Him: Ok, if that is what you want. Is that what you want? Me: Well yes, like I said I don't want someone there who hates me, I need someone there to take care of me, someone who loves me and cares about me, not someone who hates me, you won't be much help. Him: I don't hate you. How are you going to get home? Me: Don't worry about it, if I have to walk I will. Him: ok. Me: Alright, bye.

So I had my phone on vibrate because of the driving class and I didn't hear it when he called back about 5 minutes later. I got the voice mail this morning. So I returned his call.
Me: I'm returning your call. Him: Why didn't you answer the phone: Me: The phone was on vibrate. Him: I just was calling to say I will take you on Friday. Me: ok, but I don't want you doing it because you pity me for not having anyone else to be there for me. Him: ok, (chuckles) whatever. Which I still don't know what he meant by this. Did the aloofness and chuckles mean he did feel pity and is doing it anyway? Or he thought what I said was riduculous?

So he has called twice today during work the first to ask why the phone was on vibrate, and the second to ask why I was so quick to get off the phone when he called about the phone being on vibrate. I let him know both times, I'm not a child and do not need to be questioned about everything I do. Stop calling me and asking me stupid, insecure questions. If you are feeling this relationship is messed up, it is because it is, if you don't want it to be and you are worried I will move on, then fix it. So then he is asking about what I am doing for my lunch break, and after work and with the kids tomorrow. And we started talking like nothing has happened in the past week. Most of the time it is like this, then he get s this holier than though ego trip and insecure attitude that drives me crazy and that is when things go to shit.

ENOUGH about Dwight, My mom calls last night, she is demanding to be at the surgery, so knowing I was going to tell Dwight not to be there, I agree to her coming. She basically demanded it. Which is nice, but I didn't want her coming all the way down here. But if she wants to be here I guess I can't say no. Her and Dwight can fight about it. I'm sure he will be glad to know he doesn't have to take care of me.

And I think that about catches us up. I will update on report cards after I get back from lunch and parent teacher conferences.

4/27/05

2005-04-27T11:49:00.000-04:00

Well I am officially frustrated this morning. Well I had my driving class Monday night and the second half is tonight, and it seems like I am going to have to take Caitlyn with me. Luckly they have a beautiful, large and comfortable waiting/lobby area, and I brought my portable DVD player for her. Why you ask does she have to come? Dwight was suspose to watch her as he did Monday night, but we butt heads again last night, or the night before and it spilled over into last night too. Let me just say he is the KING of hangin' up on people. He didn't necessarily say he wasn't going to watch her but at this point I am not asking him for anything. He is suspose to drive me home from surgery on Friday and I don't want him there either.
Anyway, for the story. Once again, it is something so stupid and ridiculous. He calls me after he picks up the kids on Monday from school to let me know all was well, he had Lexy all day because he had off and she wasn't ready to go to school yet, so anyway, I ask him how long she napped for? He says an hour, and I said, but I left your house at 1:45. And this is when he starts getting nasty and arguing with me, mind you I only was wondering because when I left his house at 1:45 during my lunch hour, I put her down for a nap and checked on her and she was sleeping. During his ranting he said he had woke her at 3:05. So by my calculations thats well over an hour. Regardless, once again I make a simple innocent statement of "but I left your house at 1:45" and he felt challenged and flipped out again and yes of course hung up on me. So I picked up the kids after the class and I walked in the house and said Hi to him and he didn't even acknowledge me. So I thanked him for watching the girls and left. I didn't hear from him again until last night about 9:30.
Well he starts with "if this shit doesn't stop I am going to hang up and never call you again and it will be over" He goes on about being tired of arguing and how we don't call each other for days after an argument. Mind you when he is saying this there are lots of cuss words and lots of yelling. At first I couldn't get a word in and when I did he just cut me off. Of course he couldn't admit he had any fault in the argument the night before. He felt he handled the situation just perfectly. And it was my fault for not listening. I felt if he just simply said "she wasn't asleep when you left at 1:45, I don't think she fell asleep till after 2, and I woke her around 3. That would have been the end of the conversation. But no........ So I am competely frustrated that he can never admit, that he could have handled the situation better/differently and that everything is always my fault. My point to him was I was asking a simple question and 99% of people would have calmly explained the circumstances, but not Dwight he has to flip out on me. He felt challenged when I questioned him. When he needs to get it through his head I wasn't challenging him, I was trying to understand. I also brought up, how he hates to be wrong and if he is, he refuses to apologize, he will never admit his wrong behavior, and how he refuses to look at his actions during arguments. I still feel this should never have been an argument. It was so stupid. I don't understand why he feels so threated by me. This isn't the first time I've asked a simple question and it has turned into some big ordeal with him accusing me of knowing everything. As I told him last night, I ask out of concern, trying to understand, trying to help. But he always takes it as a challenge. His response was well stop challenging me, I'm the f'in man. Good great be the man!!!! But I am a strong independent women with my own thoughts, feelings, opinions and views on things and your not going to shut me up because they aren't the same as yours. I have a right to feel, think and see things differently and express that to him, without him feeling threatened. I told him he wants a women that is seen not heard. He disagrees, but being the women in this relationship-I know this is as a fact. I think if I was that kind of women who accepts that mentallity, he would hate it. He doesn't want a women who doesn't stand up for herself, doesn't express herself and her self identity resolves around her man. Well I can't be both. Either love me or leave me. I'm tired of this too. I'm tired of tip-toeing around my coversations as to not offend, or challenge or threaten. I'm tired of holding my tongue when I want to express my opinions. Either get over your insecurities or move on.

4/25/05

2005-04-25T12:36:00.000-04:00

Well I'm back at work. Surgery went well, she was a bitch when she woke up and basically the whole day, but she is 6 years old, so how can you blame her. She flipped out when she was in the recovery room, she was crying and trying to take the IV out and all the other wires hooked to her. She kept asking for a drink and saying her throat hurt. I felt helpless. Her reaction surprised me. She was literally freaking out. Saturday and Sunday was much better, actually surprising me. She was happy and go lucky and wanted to go shopping. I guess it helped she was pumped with Tylenol w/codeine. Today Dwight had off work and offered to stay with her. That was incredibly nice of him. I had to come to work, so I thought she had to go to school, even though she really isn't ready to start talking yet, but then he offered to stay with her, so that was perfect, she can stay home one more day and she should be ok tomorrow. Now I am just gearing up for my biopsy on Friday. What fun, 2 surgeries in 7 days. Just pray that I do not have breast cancer.
What else lets see.....Oh the drama of my mother, So her granddaughter just had surgery and she calls to see how she is doing and we talk for a few minutes and I ask her if she is going to send her some flowers, that Lexy would love that. And here come the excuses, I've been at work all day, right they don't give you a lunch break? I just remembered was the second excuse, well you called me a 7:30 am, you remembered!!!! And the third, my car just broke down and I am broke. I am sure that you can find $20 to send your granddaughter a Get Well Soon flower arrangement. Please, you and dad make twice as much as me and have the same amount of expenses. So, Saturday, flowers arrived from my mother. I swear that women.
More drama.......Dwight spend the night on Saturday night, because I didn't really want to be running around with Lexy and so in order for us to see each other, he had to come to me if we were going to spend any time with each other. So everything is great we have some amazing sex-as always and go to sleep. Next morning, he gets up before me-as always and is doing some work on my computer and I get up a little later. He gets ready to leave and I remember he and Dante have some clothes that I washed for him and give him the stack and in the stack is a tank top that is my x-husbands and not his and he starts asking me who's it is. And I'm like I thought it was yours and told him it must be Randys (my x-husbands) and he didn't like the sound of that. I'm like I didn't mean it like that. I try to explain to him that when the kids come home from his house clothes are always mixed up in there and he wasn't hearing it and left without a word. I as I completely understand his attitude, as I would have acted the same way, I knew that I NEVER cheated on him so he had nothing to worry about and I was determined to convince him of that. So I waited about 15 minutes so he could cool down and be rational. And I reminded him of a time when I found a shirt at his house that did not belong to me and basically it was the exact situation and for him to keep an open mind because it happened to me too, and he had to trust in my love and commitment. So he understood and everything is ok, but I know how it feels to be him and it sucks. So I felt bad. Even though the shirt got to my house on accident, and I had nothing to do with it, I felt bad that he thought I cheated on him. For the record, I have never and would never, and I totally love Dwight with all of my heart.
Well, that seems to catch us up for now, I'll read today's headlines and write later if anything pops out at me and gets my emotions.

4/21/05

2005-04-21T15:16:00.000-04:00

Well, today is Thursday for all of you but it is my Friday, my daughter has surgery tomorrow and I have tomorrow off. But I have to get up at 5am instead of 7am, so that sucks. Well, I finally figured how I am going to handle work. I thought of this plan: At 5pm, right before I walk out of the door I will send an email to my boss, he knows the the surgery is needed, but doesn't know I took tomorrows spot (read earlier posts), so I figure the email will read like this: Just a reminder tomorrows is my daughter tonsil surgery, wish us well, see ya monday. This way it seems like he forgot, since he does know about the surgery. Well this is the best I can come up with, hopefully it works. I have a feeling things will be fine. If not I will be called into his office on Monday. So cross your fingers.
Otherwise, Dwight didn't call me yesterday and since he hung up on me after flippin out, I didn't call him either. Haven't heard from him today either, this is this childish shit I can't stand, and he wonders why I am distant and hesitate to be overly excited to spend time with him or call him all the time. He wonders why I keep to myself, well I can't argue with myself and have noone disagree with everything I say, just to argue. It is crazy but his son, Dante, is the same way, last time he was over Dante was arguing with Alexis that my apartment was his house not hers. He argues just to argue regardless if it true or not, he gets this directly from his father. I really don't understand the point really. I called Dante little mr. argumentative, because he argues with anyone about anything. You can say the sky is blue and he will say no its not. And that is no exageration!!!!
So I got my stuff dropped off at the charity, I have 5, 50 gallon trash bags full of clothes, toys and linens. That is a nice tax write off for Dwight since he owns his house and I rent, I don't have much use for the deduction. I feel good I donated, I usually just throw everything in the dumpster, I guess Earth Day inspired me to recycle. Mostly everything was in excellent condition.
Otherwise, today has been a pretty boring day at work. just been hanging on the internet all day, nothing else to do really. Did a little work today, but pretty bored.
Politics: Reading all this hype about the Pope, and being raised as a catholic I understand who he is and why but still completely disagree with the appointment and the concept and essentially the religion. Don't get me wrong I believe in Jesus and God and the Bible, however I do not like how the people of this world treat the Pope like God. I think that is sooooooo wrong. I see these people gathered at the Vatican and it literally makes me sick and I want to smack some sense into all of them. There is nothing is the bible mentioning a Pope and worshipping him in this manner, as a matter of fact is forbids the worshipping of icons, and the Pope has turned into that. It states the only one worthy of worshipping in Jesus, so where has everyone gone wrong? It is like a cult. Everyone gathered and consumed with the happening of the Vatican. It gets me so frustrated. I feel like no one gets it but me.

4/20/05

2005-04-20T09:20:00.000-04:00

So, not much going on today. My 9 year old, Caitlyn, has soccer practice tonight, but it shouldn't be too bad since it will get up to 85 today. But it means it will be a long day, up before 7am and I wouldn't get home till about 8pm. I got a call from the surgery center, and had to answer all kinds of questions and she told me surgery is scheduled for 7:30 am but I have to be there by 6am, which means I have to get up by 5am. I haven't seen 5am for quite a long time, that is going to suck, mental note:don't forget the portable DVD player!!!! The other part that sucks, is I am not allowed to leave the hospital while she is in surgery, so how am I going to get Caitlyn to school? I don't want to make her hang out at the hospital all day long, she has adhd and will drive me nuts. I have to figure something out, maybe say I'm going to the cafeteria, and sneak her to school. Or see about her step dad possibly taking her-he's a bum, can't count on that!! On another subject:
I've been thinking about getting a maid to come every other week and Merry Maids came by last night to give me an estimate. They said 80 a week, 90 biweekly and 120 monthly. So weekly is 240, biweekly is 180 and monthly is 120. Well I'm not even sure how often I would need a maid. I just thoroughly cleaned the house last weekend, so I want to see how long it lasts before I feel I need to do it again, I think once a month will be ok, I do keep my house very neat and tidy and relatively clean. I'm just sick of cleaning tubs, toilets, and refrigerators. And they clean the things I forget even need cleaning. Like my chandelier, wall art and baseboards. Plus I want to get a few more estimates, before I make a decision. But it is definitely something I want to try, to see if it makes my life a little easier. I have enough to do, I like relaxing on the weekends, not cleaning.
Mental note:I have stuff to take to charity, don't forget to load the car so I can drop it off tomorrow after work.
Me and my boyfriend, Dwight, butt heads again last night, something so stupid, most of the time, I make a comment , that he doesn't necessary agree with and he has to force me to change my view, for example, last night I mentioned that the Merry maids lady was coming to give me an estimate and what he thought the estimate was going to be. He said so which 2 rooms is she going to do? And I'm like huh? Which 2 rooms? I have a 2br apartment, I'm not going to have her do just 2 rooms, that's stupid? And that where it got out of control, he is very nasty, saying, oh like they can't come do just 2 rooms, and I'm like but I wouldn't hire them to do just 2 rooms, I don't even know if they will come do just 2 rooms, they're web site didn't mention it, that's doesn't make any sense. And he just keep saying, but they do, do just two rooms, are you telling me they won't come and do just 2 rooms. By this point he is yelling and he is very angry that I am arguing back and he is very hostile. I don't understand the point of it all really, it makes me very confused. It kind of seems he doesn't like being challenged, I challenged him when I said they don't do just 2 rooms, that is really when he lost it. Something that started so innocently ended up in us hanging up on each other. This is a normal occurrence for us, I don't agree with something he says and then he flips out and hangs up on me. I am allowed to have my own thought, views opinions and knowledge about stuff without being attacked. I think I hit the nail on the head when I said he doesn't like being challenged. I think that is what this is all about. He needs a reality check!!! I am a strong independent women and I don't need him to think for me, which means we are not going to agree on everything and the part where love comes in to play is where we continue to respect each other and treat each other with that respect and love when those times do arrive. Not feel challenged and defensive. But listen with openness. But I don't think he will ever come to that, it's his way or the highway, no one is ever going to change the stubbornness and closemindedness that exudes him. I admit I hate being wrong, but I am willing at least to listen without flipping out and getting myself so worked up I insult you or hang up on you, I stay in control of my emotions and anger.

First Post

2005-04-19T16:51:00.000-04:00

So this is my first post, and I just wanted to say welcome. I have 7 minutes left in my day at work, so as long as my boss doesn't walk by, I will write.
Drama for the day:
My 6 year old: now refered to as Alexis had a pre-op apptointment today with her family doctor. She was all clear to be able to go under the knife, She is getting her tonsils, and adnoids removed on Friday. She snores worse than a grown man, I have never heard anything like it in my entire life. She has been snoring since she was a newborn and it is so loud, well it is because she has no room for air in the back of her throat. So anyway. We went to McDonalds after the appointment today and they forgot to give me her happy meal and I had to turn around after 3 minutes of driving and go get it which took a total of about 10-15 minutes. It sucked because mind you I was taking her during my lunch hour and had already been gone for 2 hours at this point. ThankGod I work at a place where the bosses work seperately from the office staff and the only ones who knew I was gone were the ladies I work with. But I was still stressing, expecially since they don't know I am calling off on Friday for the surgery. I found out yesterday about the surgery, there was a cancelation and they fit me in and I didn't know how to tell my boss on Monday that I needed Friday off. I figured I would just call off. Bad Call????? My 7 minutes is up time to go home.