I have abandoned my site!!

Well as you can see, I sort of abandoned my blog. I got laid off at my job where I spent most of my day being completely bored out of my mind, so I wrote. But since I got laid off, I was pretty busy looking for a job and then getting one and this job is great and the best part is I am NEVER bored. It hasn't left me time to write though.

So things are going great!! In my new job I am an IT Manager-finally doing what I have a degree in. Yeah!! I guess all the years were not wasted at college after all. I am also the Website Administrator. So between the 2 jobs, I am very busy, and the pay is amazing. I am making double what I have ever made before. So needless to say the career is taking off and I am extremely happy at work now. I was so miserable at my other job, the lay off was a blessing in disguise. I was worried about not being able to pay the bills, but with unemployment I was ok. God took care of me and it looks as if he had better plans for me than I knew at the time. Always have faith.

As for Dwight and I, we just celebrated our 2 year anniversary. No complaints over here. We have been getting along great. We bicker sometimes, but no huge fights in awhile. I love him more with each passing day. I cannot believe I spent so many years in a loveless marriage when this is what real love feels like. I am so proud and lucky to have him in my life.

Well I wanted to keep everyone updated, I will make a strong effort to keep this thing up to date. I love writing and it is more of a hobby for me than anything else.

I have lots of drama to write about so stay tuned!!

7/26/05

Well not much going on around here. Work is boring as always. I am so lucky to get paid to do practically nothing. It sucks sometimes because the time just drags on. But at least I'm sitting here in the ac and not out in that 105 degree heat. My God it sucks out there. I am so hungry right now. I really need to go get something to eat.

I just changed my insurance premiums. My renewal is 8/3/05 and the first of 3 payments was 724.50. Yeah right!!!!!!! I'm not paying that!!! I can't pay that. I have bills and just don't have it. So I canceled some coverage for now and got it down to 650 for 6 months. It is the bare minimum but it will have to do until I can afford to bump it back up. I still may not be able to come up with that and have to let it lapse for a week or 2. I can ride my motorcycle instead, that is covered. 375 for an entire year. Now that is what I'm talking about.

My x-husband owes me over 6,000 in child support. He has been out of work for 2 years due to a work-related accident. He had his final doctor appointment 5 weeks ago and told me he was getting a settlement from the workman's comp insurance company for 2 years salary and he would get caught up. The insurance company told him it would take about 6 weeks after his appointment. So hopefully everything works out as planned and I get this money. If so, I will go ahead and bump my insurance coverages up right away and pay down some debt. I don't really have much. A home depot card with a 1500 balance. 2 credit cards with balances around 250, and that's about it. I have school loans-but those will wait-they are down to 20,000. They will be around for awhile. I also want to get a new exhaust and tires for my bike. The rest goes in my ING account to earn 3% interest and to sit so I don't spend it.

I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that it actually ends up in my hands as promised.

Well, I have been trying to get a bike club together for anyone in this quad-state area of PA, DE , NJ, and MD. I got about 6 people interested so far. Men and women. So hopefully we can all get together for a ride. I'm looking forward to riding with others. It is usually just me or Dwight and I. He is so experienced that he sort of intimates me when we are out. It isn't intentional but that is the way I feel sometimes.

I passed the MSF this weekend, so I feel more confident. I did really well.

Talk later, need a cigarette.

I got a comment

Girl, after reading some of your blogs about your b/f, you need to sit down with yourself and ask yourself some Serious questions! This guy just doesn't sound like he is the right one for you. It seems the relationship is unbalanced and that you are the one carrying it. Do you want to be remarried? Life is too short to spend with someone who doesn't feel the same about you..trust me..I got rid of someone like that once in my life, it was for 3 years going off and on...was the best thing I have done for myself ;-)

From Speedgrl.

Now I'm not sure if I know this person or not, but I thought I needed to clarify things.

As I was reading over my blog after getting this email I realized I do paint a pretty grim picture of my boyfriend. What you have to understand is that you are only getting one side of it. You are hearing my rantings and ravings and I don't write about my praises. That is entirely my fault. He is a great guy, who treats me well and I cannot see being with anyone else. He is the love of my life. The parts you are hearing are our fights and nothing else, so yeah it sounds like a nightmare. But we have way more good days than bad. Alot of our issues have to do with our personailties being so alike, we both want the last word, we both are completely independant, we both want and need our own space, and we both think we are right all the time, and we are both very stubborn.

After that really long email I wrote him, we did sit down and talk. We realized that we are "in a way" playing games with each other. When I feel he isn't emotionally there, then I pull away, so then he does and then I do, and it just spirals out of control and we got to the point that he thought I didn't love him or wasn't happy and he thought I didn't want him anymore. And I felt the complete opposite. Again, this all happened because we are so much alike and both responded to the situation exactly the same way. He told me he was very hurt by the email and felt horrible. Things are much better now. He and I are making much more of an effort to spend time together and not play games and communicate our feelings, we now tell each other we love each other every day.

It came down to both of us not wanting to be vulnerable, but we realized that it is just hurting the other person by being so closed, so we are working on opening up. This really has nothing to do with the other person, it is sort of a personal struggle we are both going thru at the same time, luckily we have each other to do it with and we understand each other.

Now don't get me wrong, he knows he isn't a very good boyfriend(romantic and thoughtful), he can admit it(and is making great strides in improving), but I love him in spite of that and accept him for his faults, as he accepts me for mine. THAT my friends is TRUE love.

So speedgrl and you other readers out there, thanks for your comments they are greatly appreciated, but things are ok, I promise.

7/19/05

Well I went out on my first ride Sunday evening. Dwight and I both went. I felt nervous and asked him to come along. He was reluctant, but came and said I did good when we got back. I felt very comfortable out there. I had fun. I still haven't gotten my bike titled or registered because I have to ride it to the DMV so they can verify the VIN#. So I have been waiting until I felt comfortable. I am riding tomorrow to work because it is National Ride to Work Day, plus the DMV is open late on Wednesdays, so it works perfectly. I'll get the bike taken care of and I get to ride to work. Yeah!!!

That brings me to the conversation I had today with Dwight. He calls me and is like:
I don't think you should ride to work tomorrow and he proceeds to put me down and then I got defensive and it got nasty. I called him back and expressed that I didn't appeciate any of it. He appologized. I just wished he would be much more supportive.

Sometimes when he was giving me a lesson, I felt like he was a drill sargent. He wasn't the most patient teacher, that's for sure.

All in all today he just sucked the confidence out of me, made me feel like shit and make me second guess myself. Which sucked because he is my boyfriend and I expect the opposite from him. I expect him to support me, no matter if he agrees or not!!!

So anyway, I'm riding to work tomorrow regardless- I have to get the bike inspected. It has been over a month-I can't put it off any longer.

So here is to getting to work alive tomorrow!!

It's been rough

So I haven't posted in a while. Life has been hectic. I have been spending my free time learning to ride my motorcycle. I am doing pretty good. I rode by myself yesterday. I think I did well. I only rode around Dwight's development and probably only went up to 40 miles per hour and 4th gear, but it's the slowing and stopping that confuses me sometimes. I have no problem getting her going. I fell pretty good turning too.

I have been reading a lot of motorcycle forums and it seems that a lot of people drop their bikes on turns when they first start riding. I can see how this happens, but I've been ok so far. I guess this is why Dwight kept making me do figure 8's in the parking lot. He said that turning was the most important aspect of riding. If you can't do it well and do it right, you will crash. His development has a lot of twisting roads and I took all of them really well. It's all about the lean and the correct speed.

In other news, my dog died on Monday night. We had to put her to sleep. I didn't realize I loved that dog so much until I got the call that the vet said she had to be put down. I cried. It may sound silly, until it happens to you.

She was about 11 years old, a German Sheppard, her name was Cricket (when she slept she made noises like a cricket). This was literally the smartest dog I have ever known. You didn't have to use "dog commands" to her, just regular language like she was a person. For example: You would give her a dog biscuit. So after she has it, you could say: Cricket eat that outside please. She would let herself out and eat the bone outside and then let herself back in. She was amazing and I will miss her so much.

In other news, last Thursday the police showed up at my house and had a search warrant. They search my house and took my computer and all my computer cd's and some financial documents. I still have no idea what is going on. I have done nothing wrong and cannot figure out what this is all about. I have had my identity stolen twice now after a house robbery and after my wallet was stolen from my purse. I am asumming this has to be connected to that. This really sucks. I am terrified. I have never had to deal with cops and shit like this. It pisses me off in a way and in a way if terrifies me.

So after dealing with all this you can see why I have been neglectful. I'm sorry.